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Which is a better place for the aged, home or nursing home?

Which is a better place for the aged, home or nursing home? VBwJ3
Elderly people are facing with a large number of difficult questions. Among them, the most important is a choice of their living place. Although some people are happy to live at their own homes, others find nursing homes more convenient. On the one hand, home is a cozy place where everyone feels safety, the place that person creates during many years, where he/she goes through all happy and sad moments, the place with memories and traditions that everyone establish by their own. It is obvious that many aged people want to live up to the end in their homes, especially if they have children who can give them a good care and support. However, not always relatives have opportunity to look after their elderly parents. Thus, I know some families that hire nurses who come or live in homes with their parents or grandparents, those women are well trained professionals, they know how to look after aged people and can give them the first aids medical help if it is necessary. On the other hand, the nursing homes become the perfect place for those, who are lonely or those, whose family members live far away. Aged people can find there new friends, hobbies, do sports, be more social, etc. Moreover, such places are usually well medically equipped and there a team of doctors who regularly check the health conditions of people who live there. Nursing homes are very popular abroad, in Canada, America, Australia, where the family traditions are less tight as in my country. I believe that elderly people should live with their children and it is important for them to feel their love. However, at the same time, not all have opportunity to live with their families, than the nursing homes are becoming the best place for living.
Elderly
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people
are facing with
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
difficult questions. Among them, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is a choice of their living
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place
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
are happy to
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live
at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
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homes
, others find nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
more convenient.

On the one hand, home is a cozy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where everyone feels safety, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
that person creates during
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years, where he/she goes through all happy and sad moments, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
with memories and traditions that everyone establish by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. It is obvious that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aged
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people
want to
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live
up to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
in their
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homes
,
especially
if they have children
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who
can give them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
care and support.
However
, not always relatives have opportunity to look after their elderly parents.
Thus
, I know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
that hire nurses
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
or
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live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
with their parents or grandparents, those women are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well trained
professionals, they know how to look after aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and can give them the
first
aids medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
if it is necessary.

On the other hand
, the nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
become the perfect
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place
for those,
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who
are lonely or those, whose
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family
members
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live
far away. Aged
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people
can find there new friends, hobbies, do sports, be more social, etc.
Moreover
, such
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places
are
usually
well
medically
equipped and there a team of doctors
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who
regularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the health conditions of
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
there.

Nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular abroad, in Canada, America, Australia, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
traditions are less tight as in my country. I believe that elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their children and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them to feel their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
However
, at the same time, not all have opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, than the nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
are becoming the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for living.
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IELTS essay Which is a better place for the aged, home or nursing home?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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