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Which do you prefer? a job with high salary but few holidays or a job with adequate holidays but low salary.

Which do you prefer? a job with high salary but few holidays or a job with adequate holidays but low salary. kYLAW
Money has never appealed to me. I always regard money as something that you obtain at the cost of your arduous sweat. However, money itself doesn't bring you any sense of content. Therefore, I incline to a job with low salary as long as it offers me adequate holidays. The main reason for my propensity is that health is the price we pay for a job with decent pay. As you can imagine, work today is not as easy as before. It depletes your mental efforts and drains your physical energy simultaneously. The situation could be much more serious if you have no time to relax. Take workaholics for exa. . .
Money has never appealed to me. I always regard money as something that you obtain at the cost of your arduous sweat.
However
, money itself doesn't bring you any sense of content.
Therefore
, I incline to a job with low salary as long as it offers me adequate holidays.

The main reason for my propensity is that health is the price we pay for a job with decent pay. As you can imagine, work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is not as easy as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. It depletes your mental efforts and drains your physical energy
simultaneously
. The situation could be much more serious if you have no time to relax. Take workaholics for
Possible spelling mistake found.
exa
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.

IELTS essay Which do you prefer? a job with high salary but few holidays or a job with adequate holidays but low salary.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
112 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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