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whether you should accept a bad situation or you can try to improve it

whether you should accept a bad situation or you can try to improve it X7QmP
People nowadays are having heated debates about whether you should accept a bad situation or you can try to improve it. While there are those that feel acceptance is the optimal approach, in my personal point of view I have to agree with the groups of people that believe that we should actively stand up to improve the current situation. It could be argued that people should be satisfied with what life brings to them. People that agreed with this opinion argue that change is risky and requires massive effort. For example, when a person tries to find another job, there is no guarantee that the new job can offer them more satisfaction. However, I side with those who believe that people should do their best to move up in life. First, it is due to the fact that the advancements of human civilization has been made by those who strongly believe that there are always ways to make their lives better. Without this spirit, great inventions like light bulbs, electricity, computers or the Internet could have never come to life. Furthermore, the most compelling argument is that only by solving the existing problems, not by simply accepting them, can people discover their abilities, improve their skills and live their lives to the fullest. There have been instances of entrepreneurs, sports athletes or scientists in many countries who achieved stunning success thanks to their never give up mindset and continued effort. Therefore, I believe that in most of the cases, the effort to better harsh situations would be rewarded. To sum up everthing that has been stated so far, I believe we human as a developed species need to get rid of the negative mentality that we cannot turn things around for ourselves no matter how hard it is. It is a necessary to change in order for a better and brighter future of our own.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
nowadays are having heated debates about whether you should accept a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation or you can try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
it. While there are those that feel acceptance is the optimal approach, in my personal point of view I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that we should
actively
stand up to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation.

It could
be argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be satisfied
with what life brings to them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with this opinion argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is risky and requires massive effort.
For example
, when a person tries to find another job, there is no guarantee that the new job can offer them more satisfaction.
However
, I side with those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do their best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
up in life.
First
, it is due to the fact that the advancements of human civilization has
been made
by those who
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that there are always ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
better. Without this spirit, great inventions like light bulbs, electricity, computers or the Internet could have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to life.
Furthermore
, the most compelling argument is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by solving the existing problems, not by
simply
accepting them, can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
discover their abilities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to the fullest. There have been instances of entrepreneurs, sports athletes or scientists in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries who achieved stunning success thanks to their never give up mindset and continued effort.
Therefore
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that in most of the cases, the effort to better harsh situations would
be rewarded
.

To sum up
Possible spelling mistake found.
everthing
that has
been stated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
It seems that a verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here. Please verify.
we human
as a developed species need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
mentality that we cannot turn things around for ourselves no matter how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
it is. It is a necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in order for a better and brighter future of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
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IELTS essay whether you should accept a bad situation or you can try to improve it

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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