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Whether information can be freely exchanged

Whether information can be freely exchanged kbkk2
People have different opinions about the privacy of information. While some people argue that free exchanges of information would benefit academics, industry and public sectors, I personally believe that some of the information should be carefully managed and shared properly. It is true that there are many advantages of sharing information freely in the research field. Firstly, access to certain types of personal data can contribute to creating new knowledges and improving the society. For example, when assessing the impact of public programs such as tax subsidies on firms’ growth, researchers need information on firms’ profits or employees’ information. While the information can be sensitive, impact evaluations are needed for better policy making. Moreover, business persons can make better decisions when they can access more information. Investors, for example, need information on specific industries or consumers’ trend data. Finally, the accessibility of information also means transparency and integrity. Public institutions need to disclose financial information and how and in which purposes taxes have been used. However, I argue that certain types of information should be protected or better managed. In particular, personal information of citizens such as their address, contact information or demographic histories are valuable because this information can be misused. For example, big companies sometime leak consumers’ information to third parties accidentally, which often cause frauds or crimes. No only residents, but also the industry and academic fields also need data and information protection. For example, new scientific research often protect their innovation using patents. If the new techniques, products or knowledge are not protected, it will discourage advancements of inventions or technologies. In conclusion, I admit that sharing information would certainly benefit researchers, business persons and citizens. However, I also believe that we need careful examinations on what types of information and to what extent we can share the information.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about the privacy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that free exchanges of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
would benefit academics, industry and public sectors, I
personally
believe that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
should be
carefully
managed and shared
properly
.

It is true that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
freely
in the research field.
Firstly
, access to certain types of personal data can contribute to creating new
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
and improving the society. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, when assessing the impact of public programs such as tax subsidies on firms’ growth, researchers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on firms’ profits or employees’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can be sensitive, impact evaluations
are needed
for better policy making.
Moreover
, business persons can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better decisions when they can access more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. Investors, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on specific industries or consumers’ trend data.
Finally
, the accessibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
also
means transparency and integrity. Public institutions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to disclose financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and how and in which purposes taxes have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.

However
, I argue that certain types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
should
be protected
or better managed.
In particular
, personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
of citizens such as their address, contact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
or demographic histories are valuable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
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information
can
be misused
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
sometime leak consumers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to third parties
accidentally
, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cause frauds or crimes. No
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
residents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the industry and academic fields
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
data and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
protection. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, new scientific research
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
protect their innovation using patents. If the new techniques, products or knowledge are not protected, it will discourage advancements of inventions or technologies.

In conclusion
, I admit that sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
would
certainly
benefit researchers, business persons and citizens.
However
, I
also
believe that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
careful examinations on what types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and to what extent we can share the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.

IELTS essay Whether information can be freely exchanged

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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