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Some parents prefer to send their childrens to preschool while others say they should stay at home until they are older. What is your opinion?

Some parents prefer to send their childrens to preschool while others say they should stay at home until they are older. What is your opinion? 8x2wl
I'm not sure, but in my case, I guess that the best option for me it's to send childrens to preschool. In my opinion, it will be not correct, if your children will stay at home until they are older, while others are already ready to 1 grade, in one word, to new chapter. While others are sitting at home, without doing anything, your children will be get something new, gaining new knowledge, others skills. Isn't that cool? The child should go to preschool among three and four years, not before. The preschool gives opportunity to visit their place, to meet new friends, get new skills for yourself. If the child will continue sit at home, don't develop your thinking, then he won't listen your parents, always he will be without mood etc. In my example, when I was 5 years old, my mam wanted which I went to the preschool before the 1 grade, but I'm refused, don't know why? Maybe, at that time I was right that I won't go there. But now I want the children to go to preschool at first, it's important. The child should has yearning read books, because that's useful hobby for newcomer, it's really helpful, after than you will have thinking like Steve Jobs. All in all, I'd want to say to parents, don't wait, you have to act now, send your childrens to new journey and enjoy.
I'm not sure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my case, I guess that the best option for me it's to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preschool
. In my opinion, it will be not correct, if your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will stay at home until they are older, while others are already ready to 1 grade, in one word, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
chapter. While others are sitting at home, without doing anything, your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
, gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
knowledge, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Isn't that cool? The child should go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preschool
among three and four years, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preschool
gives opportunity to visit their place, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for yourself. If the child
Consider removing 'will'. (Usually, 'will' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense 'want to' or 'be willing to'.)
will continue
sit at home, don't develop your thinking, then he won't listen your parents, always he will be without mood etc. In my example, when I was 5 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, my mam wanted which I went to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preschool
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the 1 grade,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I'm refused, don't know why? Maybe, at that time I was right that I won't go there.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I want the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preschool
at
first
, it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. The child should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "have"
has
yearning read books,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that's useful hobby for newcomer, it's
really
helpful,
Use "(after)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
after
than you will have thinking like Steve Jobs. All in all, I'd want to say to parents, don't wait, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
act
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
your
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
journey and enjoy.
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IELTS essay Some parents prefer to send their childrens to preschool while others say they should stay at home until they are older. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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