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when people set up their personal information on social media platforms, it will leave some tremendous influences on people’s lives. They will be bothered by some uneducated people on the Internet regularly. Because some people who lack awareness will take advantage of that chance to steal some important data so that they can conduct unlawful behaviors. For instance, hackers, are kinds of dangerous people when they are likely to hack people’s accounts easily to serve for illegal purposes such as blackmail. Another typical example that there is a host of celebrities bothered by some bad people via telephone numbers during the whole day with information posted. Therefore, those things lead to the deterioration of the physical and mental health of people when they frequently face many risks and challenges from the Internet.

when people set up their personal information on social media platforms, it will leave some tremendous influences on people’s lives. They will be bothered by some uneducated people on the Internet regularly. Because some people who lack awareness will take advantage of that chance to steal some important data so that they can conduct unlawful behaviors. For instance, hackers, are kinds of dangerous people when they are likely to hack people’s accounts easily to serve for illegal purposes such as blackmail. Another typical example that there is a host of celebrities bothered by some bad people via telephone numbers during the whole day with information posted. Therefore, those things lead to the deterioration of the physical and mental health of people when they frequently face many risks and challenges from the Internet. ok2xB
when people set up their personal information on social media platforms, it will leave some tremendous influences on people’s lives. They will be bothered by some uneducated people on the Internet regularly. Because some people who lack awareness will take advantage of that chance to steal some important data so that they can conduct unlawful behaviors. For instance, hackers, are kinds of dangerous people when they are likely to hack people’s accounts easily to serve for illegal purposes such as blackmail. Another typical example that there is a host of celebrities bothered by some bad people via telephone numbers during the whole day with information posted. Therefore, those things lead to the deterioration of the physical and mental health of people when they frequently face many risks and challenges from the Internet.
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when
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people
set up their personal information on social media platforms, it will
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leave
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some
tremendous influences on
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people’s
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lives
. They will
be bothered
by
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some
uneducated
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people
on the Internet
regularly
.
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Because
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some
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people
who lack awareness will take advantage of that chance to steal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
data
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can conduct unlawful behaviors.
For instance
, hackers, are kinds of
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dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they are likely to hack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
accounts
easily
to serve for illegal purposes such as blackmail. Another typical example that there is a host of celebrities bothered by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
via telephone numbers during the whole day with information posted.
Therefore
, those things lead to the deterioration of the physical and mental health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they
frequently
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and challenges from the Internet.

IELTS essay when people set up their personal information on social media platforms, it will leave some tremendous influences on people’s lives. They will be bothered by some uneducated people on the Internet regularly. Because some people who lack awareness will take advantage of that chance to steal some important data so that they can conduct unlawful behaviors. For instance, hackers, are kinds of dangerous people when they are likely to hack people’s accounts easily to serve for illegal purposes such as blackmail. Another typical example that there is a host of celebrities bothered by some bad people via telephone numbers during the whole day with information posted. Therefore, those things lead to the deterioration of the physical and mental health of people when they frequently face many risks and challenges from the Internet.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
132 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • when people set up their personal information on social media platforms, it will leave some tremendous influences on people’s lives. They will be bothered by some uneducated people on the Internet regularly. Because some people who lack awareness will take advantage of that chance to steal some important data so that they can conduct unlawful behaviors. For instance, hackers, are kinds of dangerous people when they are likely to hack people’s accounts easily to serve for illegal purposes such as blackmail. Another typical example that there is a host of celebrities bothered by some bad people via telephone numbers during the whole day with information posted. Therefore, those things lead to the deterioration of the physical and mental health of people when they frequently face many risks and challenges from the Internet.