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Obesity levels are on the rise worldwide. Some people believe sedentary lifestyle is to blame for this, while others think unhealthy diets are the main sources of this negative development. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Obesity levels are on the rise worldwide. Some people believe sedentary lifestyle is to blame for this, while others think unhealthy diets are the main sources of this negative development. 73ELn
Obesity is now one of the increasingly serious health problems today's population is concerned about. This raised the question of which one is the main culprit: inactive lifestyle or unhealthy diet. I feel that it is the combination of both suggested reasons since they are interrelated. On the one hand, an increasing number of overweight people can be attributed to their sedentary lifestyle. This is mainly because, according to dieticians and health experts, even if people eat moderately, they are highly likely to gain weight over time – ending up overweight in some cases – unless they burn calories they are taking daily. Although this is an important argument to make, it does not mean all people chose to be physically inactive. Other factors causing people to be less physically active should also be considered: overwhelming office work, working from home overtime, and gaming. Understandably, when people have no other choice, and having an active way of living is physically impossible because of their work or addiction, obesity seems inevitable. This is shows that an inactive lifestyle is simply a result of these factors. In addition to people's sedentary lifestyle, unhealthy food products – fast foods are deteriorating the situation even more. Informed about the health-related side effects of junk foods and their ingredients, yet, being unable to cook healthy alternatives, and attracted to fast foods due to their scrumptious flavour, easy accessibility and cost effectiveness, people still keep consuming fast foods. This also clarifies why obesity levels are on the rise now. Besides, fast food industries are now using even stronger appetizers and additives to make their food products as much appealing and pleasing as possible so that people become addicted. In conclusion, there are some other underlying reasons behind these two unhealthy habits of people, and having no other choice for them could further explain this issue. I believe that people are, unsurprisingly, leading unhealthy lifestyles by neither exercising nor eating healthy food. Blaming one of these unhealthy habits for obesity is simply not logical enough, in my opinion.
Obesity is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
one of the
increasingly
serious health problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's population
is concerned
about. This raised the question of which one is the main culprit: inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
diet. I feel that it is the combination of both suggested reasons since they
are interrelated
.

On the one hand, an increasing number of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be attributed
to their sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, according to
Possible spelling mistake found.
dieticians
and health experts, even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat
moderately
, they are
highly
likely to gain weight over time
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
ending up overweight in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
unless they burn calories they are taking daily. Although this is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
argument to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
, it does not mean all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
chose to be
physically
inactive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
factors causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be less
physically
active should
also
be considered
: overwhelming office work, working from home overtime, and gaming.
Understandably
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
choice, and having an active way of living is
physically
impossible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their work or addiction, obesity seems inevitable. This is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that an inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is
simply
a result of these factors.

In addition
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are deteriorating the situation even more. Informed about the health-related side effects of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and their ingredients,
yet
, being unable to cook healthy alternatives, and attracted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
due to their scrumptious
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavour' is British English.
flavour
, easy accessibility and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
cost effectiveness
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. This
also
clarifies why obesity levels are on the rise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industries are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
using even stronger appetizers and additives to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products as much appealing and pleasing as possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become addicted.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
underlying reasons behind these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
habits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and having no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
choice for them could
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this issue. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are,
unsurprisingly
, leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
by neither exercising nor eating healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Blaming one of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
habits for obesity is
simply
not logical
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, in my opinion.
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IELTS essay Obesity levels are on the rise worldwide. Some people believe sedentary lifestyle is to blame for this, while others think unhealthy diets are the main sources of this negative development.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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