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sugary products should be made expensive to save people

sugary products should be made expensive to save people 73ELb
Sugary drinks and food demand has been increasing in the whole world because it is tastier and find with cheap costs. People suffer so many health issues because of taking these items. It is argued that sugary items should be high in price to discourage people to take more sugar. I strongly agree with this opinion and think that the government could be taken a few steps to protect the people from such kind of enormous threats. I believe that sugary products should be taken less as much as possible to protect our health. If the price of these items is much higher than the current price, people will consume lesser than before. So that government can increase the price of sugary products to apply a high tax on these items. For example, the German government already has taken steps to protect its people from obesity to apply high taxes on sugary goods. Secondly and most importantly, more consumption of sugary drinks and foods has been rising many diseases like high pressure, diabetes and obesity etc. So that if we want to control the severe health problem, then we should motivation to take less sugar in everyday life. Finally, Government can take many steps to save their citizens from various health problems or diseases. First of all, the government can introduce a new tax pattern in sugary items and motivate people to regular exercise. In fact, they could be declared new compensation or prize money to less consumption of sugary items. For instance, BD Govt already applied high tax on sugary products and advertising about daily exercise to people. By way of conclusion, sugary items can cause various health issues. So that government can apply to regulate people for consuming low sweets items in daily life. Definitely, increasing-price of sugary foods can discourage people to purchase these items and give motivation for a healthy lifestyle that could be brought prosper to the country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sugary
drinks and food demand has been increasing in the whole world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is tastier and find with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
costs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
suffer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of taking these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
. It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
to discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take more sugar. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could
be taken
a few steps to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from such kind of enormous threats.

I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
products should
be taken
less as much as possible to protect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
is much higher than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will consume lesser than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
products to apply a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
.
For example
, the German
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
already has taken steps to protect its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from obesity to apply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.

Secondly
and most
importantly
, more consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
drinks and foods has been rising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
pressure, diabetes

and obesity etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that if we want to control the severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problem, then we
The word 'motivation' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
should motivation
to take less sugar in everyday life.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
steps to save their citizens from various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems or diseases.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can introduce a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
pattern in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
and motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to regular exercise. In fact, they could
be declared
new compensation or prize money to less consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
.
For instance
, BD Govt already applied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
products and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
advertising


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
about
daily exercise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

By way of conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
can cause various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can apply to regulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for consuming low sweets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
in daily life. Definitely, increasing-price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
foods can discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
and give motivation for a healthy lifestyle that could
be brought
prosper to the country.
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IELTS essay sugary products should be made expensive to save people

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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