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When people buy unnecessary things with money they do not have

Newsletters per e-mail, advertisements on social media, banners and flags suggesting that we would miss our opportunity to make a bargain—this is the consumption-centered world we live in today. It is everything but surprising that especially young people, who are exposed to omnipresent advertisements on their smartphones and notebooks, start to develop an urge to buy unnecessary things. Influencers on social media show their new clothes from Gucci, Prada or Louis Vuitton and their admirers seek personal fullfilment by borrowing money they can not pay back. Once this threshold is surpassed it becomes easy to increase the debt in order to approach the personal ideals they thrive for—success and recognition. Once they constructed this artificial feeling of happiness, they are unwilling to give it up, since they risk to lose their reputation in their social network and their self-esteem. Some people would consider such people unmindful and blame them for being in this vicious debt-cycle, but they need somebody that bursts their filter bubble they live in and reintegrate them into society. They may not make it on their own. Furthermore, it is vital to rise awareness on this issue. Campaigns on social media, in newspapers and big cities need to be conducted in order to inform the affected people before they enter this vicious cycle. The campaigns could be subtle and just make people remember that they do not have to possess things to bring joy into their lives—rather they need to feel comfortable in their skin and appreciated what fate has laid them into their hands. That is healthiness, freedom, friends and family.
Newsletters per e-mail, advertisements on
social
media, banners and flags suggesting that we would miss our opportunity to
make
a bargain—this is the consumption-centered world we
live
in
today
. It is everything
but
surprising that
especially
young
people
, who
are exposed
to omnipresent advertisements on their smartphones and notebooks,
start
to develop an urge to
buy
unnecessary things. Influencers on
social
media
show
their new clothes from Gucci, Prada or Louis Vuitton and their admirers seek personal
fullfilment
by borrowing money they can not pay back. Once this threshold
is surpassed
it becomes easy to increase the debt in order to approach the personal ideals they thrive for—success and recognition. Once they constructed this artificial feeling of happiness, they are unwilling to give it up, since they
risk to lose
their reputation in their
social
network and their self-esteem.
Some
people
would consider such
people
unmindful and blame them for being in this vicious debt-cycle,
but
they need somebody that bursts their filter bubble they
live
in and reintegrate them into society. They may not
make
it on their
own
.
Furthermore
, it is vital to rise awareness on this issue. Campaigns on
social
media, in newspapers and
big
cities need to
be conducted
in order to inform the
affected
people
before
they enter this vicious cycle. The campaigns could be subtle and
just
make
people
remember that they do not
have to
possess things to bring joy into their
lives
rather
they need to feel comfortable in their skin and appreciated what fate has laid them into their hands.
That is
healthiness, freedom, friends and family.
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IELTS essay When people buy unnecessary things with money they do not have

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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