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when new towns are planned ; it is important to buit more public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres to spent thier free time

when new towns are planned; it is important to buit more public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres to spent thier free time 9w8qr
The reducing number of municipal gardens and sports complexes in the cities, develops an unhealthy surrounding among the citizen. Despite of constructing shopping malls these facilities should prioritize first whenever a new society is under construction is thought by many. However, I also agree upon this idea and further in the essay will elaborate some point to support my argument. Spending some liesure time in a healthy environment such as parks and sports centres rather than marketplaces is considered a much more better approach not only for children but for the older citizen. The predominant reason behind this is childrens these days spent most of their free either playing video games or surfing internet instead of going out to do any sought of physical activity which is adversely affecting their health. if these facilities would located within the local area, it will easier for the childrens to visit these centers to keep themselves fit as fiddle. additionally, these sports complexes act as a motivational agent for the masses as it makes them aware of the importance of staying healthy and explore their talents hidden within them. For example: Many famous sports stars were not confident about their skill until they joined these sport camps which help to know their inner capacities and boosted their skills to achieve their target. thus these sports camps are important builded than indoor shopping complexes. Moreover, building gardens and parks also serves mANY benefits. since they are full of greenery and fresh air, it creates a pleasant and healthy environment for the senior citizens also. as they suggest by their doctor to do yoga and morning walks and while doing all these activities in such healthy surrounding will be much more beneficial for them. Scientists has also research that do physical activities in fresh air serves a lot more benefits as compared to a normal surrounding. Even though a parks can also be visited to spent some quality time with family and friends. as they are much more calmer and relaxing than the other public places. hence, these parks are much more better place to be constructed in cities and towns than those marketplaces. To conclude, these gardens and sports camps are much more superior to be BUILT than the shopping halls as they serves a lot of benefits. Although free time could be spent at a public market but spending time in such a healthy atmosphere is much more better
The reducing number of municipal gardens and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
complexes in the cities, develops an unhealthy surrounding among the citizen.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
constructing shopping malls these facilities should prioritize
first
whenever a new society is under construction is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.
However
, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
upon this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and
further
in the essay will elaborate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point to support my argument.

Spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
liesure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
environment such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
rather
than marketplaces
is considered
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
approach not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for the older citizen. The predominant reason behind this is
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
these days spent most of their free either playing video games or surfing internet
instead
of going out to do any sought of physical activity which is
adversely
affecting their health.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
these facilities would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "locate"
located
within the local area, it will easier for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
to visit these centers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves fit as fiddle.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
additionally
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
complexes act as a motivational agent for the masses as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them aware of the importance of staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and explore their talents hidden within them.
For example
:
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars were not confident about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
until they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
camps which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to know their inner capacities and boosted their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to achieve their target.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
thus
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
camps are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "built", the past tense form of the verb 'build'?
builded
than indoor shopping complexes.

Moreover
, building gardens and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
also
serves
Possible spelling mistake found.
mANY
benefits.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
since
they are full of greenery and fresh air, it creates a pleasant and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
environment for the senior citizens
also
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
they suggest by their doctor to do yoga and morning walks and while doing all these activities in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
surrounding will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more beneficial for them.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "Scientist has", "scientist has".
Scientists has
also
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "researched".
research
that do physical activities in fresh air serves a lot more benefits as compared to a normal surrounding.
Even though
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
can
also
be visited
Did you mean "to spend"?
to spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family and friends.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
Use only "calmer" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more calmer
and relaxing than the other public places.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
hence
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
place to
be constructed
in cities and towns than those marketplaces.

To conclude
, these gardens and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
camps are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more superior to
be BUILT
than the shopping halls as they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "serve"
serves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits. Although free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
could
be spent
at a public market
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
atmosphere is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
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IELTS essay when new towns are planned; it is important to buit more public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres to spent thier free time

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
405 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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