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When it comes to educational improvement, opinions are various on what factors play a great role in this regard?

When it comes to educational improvement, opinions are various on what factors play a great role in this regard? K0ER3
When it comes to educational improvement, opinions are various on what factors play a great role in this regard? several experts have offered three options including accessing an advisor, being encouraging by family or friends, and having a good high school teacher, among these elements, I think that the first option is superior. I will elaborate on my reasons in the following paragraphs. The first reason that I will put forward is that accessing a good educational advisor will solve problems efficiently. Undeniably, students, especially junior, always encounter various challenges that lead that they are continuously being full of stress and anxiety and adversely impact their training performance. As a comparison to other options, only tutors as excellent experts have the essential knowledge to deal with these issues, in fact, other people can rarely understand completely a problem and give comprehensive information. Hence they can easily understand student dilemmas and give a proper solution and stimulate student interest. Personal experience is a good example in this regard. When studying in university, I had a fundamental weakness to understand engineering math, neither family nor high school professor could help me. This problem remained until I referred the university's advisor. Another noteworthy point that I will consider is that getting advisement is a time-consuming activity. Educational problems sometimes are very complex and critical that needs either a long time to solve or should immediately solve. Although high school teachers might friendly help find a way. But they never have plenty of time to spend on giving suggestions while we can access university's advisor according to their schedule time. Some problem
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to educational improvement, opinions are various on what factors play a great role in this regard?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
several
experts have offered three options including accessing an advisor, being encouraging by family or friends, and having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
high school teacher, among these elements, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
first
option is superior. I will elaborate on my reasons in the following paragraphs.

The
first
reason that I will put forward is that accessing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
educational advisor will solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
efficiently
.
Undeniably
, students,
especially
junior, always encounter various challenges that lead that they are
continuously
being full of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety and
adversely
impact their training performance. As a comparison to other options,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
tutors as excellent experts have the essential knowledge to deal with these issues, in fact, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can rarely understand completely a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and give comprehensive information.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
they can
easily
understand student dilemmas and give a proper solution and stimulate student interest. Personal experience is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example in this regard. When studying in university, I had a fundamental weakness to understand engineering math, neither family nor high school professor could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
remained until I referred the university's advisor.

Another noteworthy point that I will consider is that getting advisement is a time-consuming activity. Educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
The adverb 'sometimes' usually goes after the verb 'are'.
sometimes are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
complex and critical that needs either a long time to solve or should immediately solve.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
high school teachers might friendly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
find a way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they never have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of time to spend on giving suggestions while we can access university's advisor according to their schedule time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
problem
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IELTS essay When it comes to educational improvement, opinions are various on what factors play a great role in this regard?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
267 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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