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When choosing the job, some people rely on salary, others think the interests are more important. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

When choosing the job, some people rely on salary, others think the interests are more important. 9696p
It is ubiquitous that whether choosing the sustainable and suitable job following the love or money. While there are some arguments that jobs should rely on the hobbies, i would believe finance brings more potential advantages to people. To begin with, I believe that the choice for occupation is the priority in salary. Firstly, we can not deny that money is one of the important factors to meet the demands in social life because in ups and downs life, the price of food or services is rising day by day. For instance, the customers nowadays are more conscientious about health, so the materials or qualities are required highly. Then, career is criticized based on the benefits and salary to gain the appreciation and honor of society. Doctor or jobs related to medication is the highlighting example of this. On the other hand, passion is the basis of achievement for a career in life, which boosts their lives to be more and more meaningful. In addition, interests nurture the happiness assisting people utilize a longer lifespan. Then but not least, this is the factor that enhances the endurance and other positive personality of them. For example, people will spend more time to see the picture in their work as they come through the dilemmas and troubles. In conclusion, money can play a key role in financial problems, which can control our life. However, love for the job also makes the most of attitude and pattern of behavior in work.
It is ubiquitous that whether choosing the sustainable and suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
following the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
or money. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
should rely on the hobbies,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would believe finance brings more potential advantages to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I believe that the choice for occupation is the priority in salary.
Firstly
, we can not deny that money is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demands in social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in ups and downs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, the price of food or services is rising day by day.
For instance
, the customers nowadays are more conscientious about health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the materials or qualities
are required
highly
. Then, career
is criticized
based on the benefits and salary to gain the appreciation and honor of society. Doctor or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
related to medication is the highlighting example of this.

On the other hand
, passion is the basis of achievement for a career in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, which boosts their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to be more and more meaningful.
In addition
, interests nurture the happiness assisting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
utilize a longer lifespan. Then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, this is the factor that enhances the endurance and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
personality of them.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will spend more time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the picture in their work as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
through the dilemmas and troubles.

In conclusion
, money can play a key role in financial problems, which can control our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the most of attitude and pattern of behavior in work.

IELTS essay When choosing the job, some people rely on salary, others think the interests are more important.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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