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When choosing a job, the salary is the important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

When choosing a job, the salary is the important consideration. XaeA
Choosing a job a little bit harder. Because, people will spend most their time and their power for it. So when choosing a profession the amount of salary is crucial thought. I am partially agree with this opinion however there are some aspects of this opinion that I disagree with. All people want to earn much money from their job. People want to spend a few time for it and want to earn or get salary as much as possible. This kind of people mostly would be graduated higher degree or will be well-skilled in their professional area. So their thought about salary is worthy. Because, they have studied this area for many years and maybe they have worked for many years in this kind of jobs. Another point is that, for some jobs most candidates pay more attention to their salaries and to my mind this is very important. These kind of jobs can be doctors, teachers, firefighters or people who work in military and other professions too. This demand for this kind of jobs in society in very high: they teach people, treat people and save and secure people. However, when choosing a job people should also consider about how much time they would spend in a day. Because, people shouldn't be like a robot who will get up at 7am and work until until 6pm or 7pm. People should have much time to have a rest, time for their family and for other things too. In my opinion, people should also think about the princeples of job, workplace and collegues that would work with. Even if the salary is high in one particular job some people cannot work if the enviroment is not good enough for them. To sum up, when choosing a job, people should pay attention to the salary that they would get. However it will be better if people take into account another aspects of job when they are choosing.
Choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
harder.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will spend most their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and their power for it.
“So when” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So when
choosing a profession the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is crucial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
. I am
partially
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with this opinion
however
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects of this opinion that I disagree with.

All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
money from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
want to spend a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for it and want to earn or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
as possible. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mostly
would
be graduated
higher degree or will be well-skilled in their professional area.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is worthy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, they have studied this area for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years and maybe they have worked for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Another point is that, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
most candidates pay more attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
and to my mind this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can be doctors, teachers, firefighters or
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people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in military and other professions too. This demand for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in society in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high: they teach
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people
, treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and save and secure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, when choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
also
Did you mean simply "consider how"? You do not need the word "about" here.
consider about how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they would spend in a day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
shouldn't be like a robot who will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up at 7am and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Possible typo: you repeated a word
until until
6pm or 7pm.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to have a rest,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their family and for other things too. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the
Possible spelling mistake found.
princeples
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, workplace and
Possible spelling mistake found.
collegues
that would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with. Even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is high in one particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
if the
Possible spelling mistake found.
enviroment
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for them.

To sum up, when choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should pay attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
that they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it will be better if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take into account another aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
when they are choosing.
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IELTS essay When choosing a job, the salary is the important consideration.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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