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When a country develops its technology,the traditional skills and ways of life die. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die. MMaaa
Due to the advancement of technology, the skills which was given by ancestors extinct and changes are seemed in life. I would say that it has a significant impacts on a masses also I completely agree with this statement and give my points of agreement in subsequent paragraphs. To embark on, The major factor is that technology make a life easier but reduce the employment for people who do works in factories of making traditional clothes. To explain it, There are several machines has been making for labour, which is usually done by mankind consequently those works doing by one machine easily which directly effects to the living style of human being and reduce the chances of wages. For instance, International trading Committee revealed that in recent decades 45% of newly invented gadgets unemployed the 65% of employees who did work by hand. As a result, it is a loss for survivors who earned money only to survive. Further more, Human being who always remained busy in mobile phones which is make a one the most significant for them, are facing several health issues. To elaborate it, Mostly persons who like to use their gadgets whole time are sit on one place only and never interested in outside work even do not like to spend time with family, First it would make them couch potatoes after that they loose their concentration for studies most probably the juveniles. For example, World Health Organization (WHO) Conducted a survey of 200 progenies who used mostly their phones by putting them questions about news and general knowledge and revealed that 160 of them were blanked they did not know even how to give answers. Thus, It is clear that technology have huge impact on the growth and the knowledge of children. In conclusion, It is only depends upon the person to person how they use their abilities and experience as no one force to focus only in technology. However, It is lifesaver but also a issue for poor masses while for rich who mostly lived them centre of the gadgets.
Due to the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by ancestors extinct and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are seemed
in life. I would say that it has a significant
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "impact"?
impacts
on
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a mass", "a masse" or simply "masses"?
a masses
also
I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and give my points of agreement in subsequent paragraphs.

To embark on, The major factor is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a life easier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the employment for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do works in factories of making traditional clothes. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it, There are several machines has been making for
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
, which is
usually
done by mankind
consequently
those works doing by one machine
easily
which
directly
effects to the living style of human being and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the chances of wages.
For instance
, International trading Committee revealed that in recent decades 45% of
newly
invented gadgets unemployed the 65% of employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by hand.
As a result
, it is a loss for survivors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
earned money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
to survive.

Further
more, Human being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
always remained busy in mobile phones which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a one the most significant for them, are facing several health issues. To elaborate it,
Mostly
persons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their gadgets whole time are sit on one place
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
and never interested in outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
even do not like to spend time with family,
First
it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them couch potatoes after that they
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their concentration for studies most
probably
the juveniles.
For example
, World Health Organization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(WHO)
Conducted a survey of 200
Possible spelling mistake found.
progenies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
mostly
their phones by putting them questions about news and general knowledge and revealed that 160 of them
were blanked
they did not know even how to give answers.
Thus
, It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have huge impact on the growth and the knowledge of children.

In conclusion
, It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
depends upon the person to person how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their abilities and experience as no one force to focus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
However
, It is lifesaver
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
issue for poor masses while for rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
them
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of the gadgets.
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IELTS essay When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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