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Nowadays, people spent a lot of money on their appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is positive or negative development?

Nowadays, people spent a lot of money on their appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is positive or negative development? 6xYQ8
There has been a steady increase in the popularity of individuals who are conscious with their appearance. Because of that, they are investing more money on things that will make them look younger and conceal their real age. I am of the opinion that, this is highly beneficial for them. . One positive effect of spending more money on physical appearance is that, it will lessen the insecurities of a person involved. Aging is actually a natural process, wherein the physical appearance of the person changes like shrinking and showing more visible wrinkles on the skin, having white hairs and even getting out of style, in terms of fashion. This will eventually results in losing their self confidence. So, instead of making one’s self look old, people prefers to buy hair color to make their white hair turns into black or brown, wrinkled skin undergoes to some aesthetic operations to become like a baby’s skin, spending on some clothings that are within the fashion trends. Hence, making one’s self look younger prevents the feeling of insecurity and envy. In addition, some people believes that being healthy will show on how you look. Dry skin will be an example of this. Having dry skin means that you have no time in addressing the problems or issues arises in aging. Purchasing some beauty creams and lotions will help a person to resolved the skin problems. Younger looking skin will somehow show that you have healthy skin. Thus, spending on beauty products will make you look young. In conclusion, all people will later on, look old but investing more money in appearance will boosts a person’s self confidence and will make them feel young and healthy.
There has been a steady increase in the popularity of individuals who are conscious with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, they are investing more money on things that will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
younger and conceal their real age. I am of the opinion that, this is
highly
beneficial for them.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect of spending more money on physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
is that, it will lessen the insecurities of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
involved. Aging is actually a natural process, wherein the physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
like shrinking and showing more visible wrinkles on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
, having white hairs and even getting out of style, in terms of fashion. This will
eventually
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "result"
results
in losing their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
instead
of making one’s self
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
prefers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
hair color to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their white hair turns into black or brown, wrinkled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
undergoes to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aesthetic operations to become like a baby’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
, spending on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
clothings
that are within the fashion trends.
Hence
, making one’s self
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
the feeling of insecurity and envy.

In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
believes
that being healthy will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
on how you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
. Dry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
will be an example of this. Having dry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
means that you have no time in addressing the problems or issues arises in aging. Purchasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beauty creams and lotions will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
Did you mean "to resolve"?
to resolved
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
problems. Younger looking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
will somehow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that you have healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
.
Thus
, spending on beauty products will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
young.

In conclusion
, all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will later on,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
investing more money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "boost"
boosts
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
and will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them feel young and healthy.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, people spent a lot of money on their appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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