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How should we ensure that television is a positive influence in the life of children?

How should we ensure that television is a positive influence in the life of children? yXpwE
Because of the rapid growth of technology many parents are afraid that television can have a negative effect on children. Kids spend an enormous amount of time watching TV and frequently they do not realize how some TV programs change their behavior for the worse. Although, there are useful piece of advice that can unsure parents that television has only a positive effect on their children. Nowadays, children watch TV more frequently, because of it a child may not realize how much time he spent on watching TV. That is why it is better to control the time that child spent on watching several TV programs. For instance, modern television offers special applications that can keep track of how much time the child spent watching TV. By this application caring parents can set a time limit on TV and children would not be able to watch more than it necessary. Another way of protecting children is restricting access to some programs that are not allowed for adolescents and children because they contain violence and aggressive scenes. Frequently such programs are made for more mature viewers due to the fact that children may distinguish the real life from fictional. For instance, a popular horror film "A Nightmare on Elm Street" is known for it blood, scary and aggressive scenes. This film is just a fiction, but many children cannot understand it and because of this they will have nightmares and traumatized psyche. That is why parent should monitor what their children watch most of the time. In conclusion, there are lots of ways of protecting children from harms on television, that is why parents should take measures to defend their children from several violence and aggression.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of the rapid growth of technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are afraid that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can have

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Kids spend an enormous amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching TV and
frequently
they do not realize how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their behavior for the worse.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, there are useful
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "pieces"?
piece
of advice that can unsure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on their children.

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV more
frequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it a child may not realize how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
he spent on watching TV.
That is
why it is better to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that child spent on watching several TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
For instance
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
offers special applications that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the child spent watching TV. By this application caring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can set a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limit on TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
more than it necessary.

Another way of protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is restricting access to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
that are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
for adolescents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they contain violence and aggressive scenes.
Frequently
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are made
for more mature viewers due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may distinguish the real life from fictional.
For instance
, a popular horror film
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
A Nightmare on Elm Street
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
is known
for it blood, scary and aggressive scenes. This film is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a fiction,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot understand it and
because of this
they will have nightmares and traumatized psyche.
That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
should monitor what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
most of the time.

In conclusion
, there are lots of ways of protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from harms on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
that is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take measures to defend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
Possible agreement error. The noun violence seems to be uncountable; consider using: "some violence".
several violence
and aggression.
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IELTS essay How should we ensure that television is a positive influence in the life of children?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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