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What other factors contribute towards happiness?

What other factors contribute towards happiness? lRM2b
Most of people believe that money is the most important factor in boosting happiness. Do you think people can be cheerful without money? What other factors contribute towards happiness? It is often asserted that money is the major element in creating happiness in life. Others, however, think that one still can feel happy when they have little money. Well, some people believe that the fulfillment of Material deeds can bring them happiness. They devote their whole lives earning money because for them, life without money will be obscure. For this persons, happiness is spending money for purchasing branded clothes, eating in expensive restaurant, and travelling to astonishing places. It can be seen that without money, happiness is very difficult to attain for them. In contrast, others do not believe that money is absolutely necessary to get happiness. They have an opinion that the most important thing they can do to be happy is to interact with and esteem other people because it provides them with real satisfaction and thrilling. In addition, another way that can bring such people to happiness is to help others through charity. For example, some students volunteer for no wages work for helping and making others happy, and this makes them happy. In conclusion, for some people, money is truly crucial. However, I believe it is not the only vital factor in creating happiness. The world would be a better place if people realized that family and love give true happiness which cannot be bought by money.
Most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor in boosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
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people
can be cheerful without
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money
? What
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other
factors contribute towards happiness?

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
asserted that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the major element in creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in life. Others,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that one
still
can feel happy when they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
money.

Well,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the fulfillment of Material deeds can bring them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. They devote their whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
earning
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money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
for them, life without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will be obscure. For
Did you mean "these"?
this
persons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for purchasing branded clothes, eating in expensive restaurant, and travelling to astonishing places. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that without
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money
,
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happiness
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to attain for them.

In contrast
, others do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
absolutely
necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. They have an opinion that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing they can do to be happy is to interact with and esteem
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other
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people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides them with real satisfaction and thrilling.
In addition
, another way that can bring such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others through charity.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students volunteer for no wages work for helping and making others happy, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy.

In conclusion
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
truly
crucial.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
vital factor in creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. The world would be a better place if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realized that family and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
give true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
which cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay What other factors contribute towards happiness?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
251 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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