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What kind of work do you think should be rewarded most highly?

What kind of work do you think should be rewarded most highly? 8aQVl
There are a lot of different kinds of jobs out there in the world. Some jobs pay high salaries, other jobs are very stable, and some jobs have flexible schedules. Nowadays, sports are becoming a better source to earn money, many individuals want to become athletic. A common belief is that successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important business professions. But sports professionals arent the only ones; we could give a shot at the politicians, in Italy, they earn a great amount of money. I dare say It is a controversial issue, due to firefighters who put out fires and respond to other emergency situations risking their lives. Even though their salary is not higher than politicians' or football players'.
There are
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a lot of
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different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
out there in the world.
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Some
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jobs
pay high salaries, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
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very
stable, and
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some
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jobs
have flexible schedules.

Nowadays, sports are becoming a better source to earn money,

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals want to become athletic. A common belief is that successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
business professions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
sports professionals
Possible spelling mistake found
arent
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ones; we could give a shot at the politicians, in Italy, they earn a great amount of money.

I dare say It is a controversial issue, due to firefighters who put out fires and respond to other emergency situations risking their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Even though
their salary is not higher than politicians' or football players'.
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IELTS essay What kind of work do you think should be rewarded most highly?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
128 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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