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WHAT IS YOUR DREAM JOB? DECRIBE YOUR DREAM JOB.

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM JOB? DECRIBE YOUR DREAM JOB. Dw2kW
We have so many kind of job in the whole world and we can see that many people work for at least one job. However, the job that they got maybe not their dream job. To be honest, I have dream job and I am trying to get this one. I realised that I wanted to be a make up artist when I was in ninth grade. Now I wish in the future I will become an English teacher and a make up artist simultaneously. To become a make up artist, I will save money to go to make up academic. Right now, I still a student so I can not go to the academic and go to school at the same time. When I graduate university and have a steady work, I will spend time and money to learn about make up. To become a make up artist, it is so not serene road. So that, beside my study, I am going to spend my leisure time to learn make up on the internet. I know a make up artist on youtube, her name is Pony – a Korean make up artist. She was famous in 2017, from a video make up cover Taylor Swift. I love her because she so talent and beautiful, somehow she looks so stunning, she looks like the brightest star in the sky. In the future, it is must be great if I success like her. For another dream job – English teacher, I will learn harder and harder like I never study before to graduate on time. I think that I should have some part-time job such as: tutor; English text translation; tutor at English centers…and so on. Right now, employer require experience for a job. As a result, if you have more experience than another person, you may have chances to get the job. A teacher never easy job, you have to control your class, prepare lesson plans, solve problems during lesson…and so many diffrent issues. I know that it will be more difficult and extremely challenge me but I will learn by heart. There are two dream job of me, no matter how long, how difficult it is, I will try my best to get these jobs. I know that it will arduous to work two job a day. But it is my passion and I believe that I can control it.
We have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible agreement error. The noun kind seems to be countable; consider using: "many kinds".
many kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the whole
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work for at least one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
maybe not their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. To be honest, I have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job and
I am trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this one. I
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
that I wanted to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
when I was in ninth grade.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I wish in the future I will become an English teacher and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
simultaneously
.

To become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
, I will save money to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
up academic. Right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, I
still
a student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I can not go to the academic and go to school at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. When I graduate university and have a steady work, I will spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
up. To become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
not serene road.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, beside my study, I am going to spend my leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
up on the internet. I know a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
, her name is Pony
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
a Korean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
. She was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in 2017, from a video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
up cover Taylor Swift. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
talent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
, somehow she looks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
stunning, she looks like the brightest star in the sky. In the future, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be great if
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'I'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
I success
like her.

For another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
English teacher, I will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
harder and harder like I never study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
to graduate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that I should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
such as: tutor; English text translation; tutor at English centers…and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, employer require experience for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
As a result
, if you have more experience than another person, you may have chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. A teacher never easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
control your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, prepare lesson plans, solve problems during lesson…and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
diffrent
issues. I know that it will be more difficult and
extremely
challenge me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
by heart.

There are two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "jobs"?
job
of me, no matter how long, how difficult it is, I will try my best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. I know that it will arduous to work two
Possible agreement error. The noun 'job' seems to be countable, so consider using: "jobs".
job
a day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is my passion and I believe that I can control it.
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IELTS essay WHAT IS YOUR DREAM JOB? DECRIBE YOUR DREAM JOB.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
401 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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