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What is important to you? And why?

What is important to you? And why? D6ELk
I believe that the essence of beauty lies in the strength of variety. While exploring the wonders of other cultures excites me, holding on to my own is also something that I deeply value. I've grown up in a family that wholeheartedly celebrates all Indian traditions, and over time they have become a part of my identity. And thus not only do I want to expose myself to and learn about the customs of various known and unknown traditions, but also make the knowledge of the rich Indian heritage available to more people like me. I also find it important to be a valuable member of my community. During a conversation with my grandmother, I realized how demotivated she felt about life altogether amidst this pandemic. She had nothing to look forward to being confined to the four walls of her home, causing her to be lonely and unhappy. Having realized how all the elderly members of our community went through the same feeling, two of my best friends and I planned and organized online meetups for the elderly every week, where we played dramas, games and had a fun chat. An hour of enjoyment and laughter made me realize and acknowledge the value of connectedness in a community. However, what I regard with the greatest importance are the little things in life - moments of joy with family and friends, lending a hand of help in times of need and the everyday learnings that shape my identity.
I believe that the essence of beauty lies in the strength of variety. While exploring the wonders of other cultures excites me, holding on to my
own
is
also
something that I
deeply
value. I've grown up in a family that
wholeheartedly
celebrates all Indian traditions, and over time they have become a part of my identity. And
thus
not
only
do I want to expose myself to and learn about the customs of various known and unknown traditions,
but
also
make
the knowledge of the rich Indian heritage available to more
people
like me. I
also
find it
important
to be a valuable member of my community. During a conversation with my grandmother, I realized how demotivated she felt about life altogether amidst this pandemic. She had nothing to look forward to
being confined
to the four walls of her home, causing her to be lonely and unhappy. Having realized how all the elderly members of our community went through the same feeling, two of my best friends and I planned and organized online meetups for the elderly every week, where we played dramas, games and had a fun chat. An hour of enjoyment and laughter made me realize and acknowledge the value of connectedness in a community.
However
, what I regard with the greatest importance are the
little
things in life
-
moments of joy with family and friends, lending a hand of
help
in times of need and the everyday learnings that shape my identity.
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IELTS essay What is important to you? And why?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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