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What forms do they take? Do you agree the problems of mobile phones outweigh the benefits?

What forms do they take? Do you agree the problems of mobile phones outweigh the benefits? JowpB
Cutting-edge technology is part of daily life. One of the most important technologies which engage with people's activity is mobile phones. Some people argue that using cell-phones has dire consequences that result in some social, medical and technical dilemmas. While mobile phones become worse distractions, the benefits of these advanced devices are important to provide convenient lives for users. There is no doubt that mobile phones change the way people maintain effective communication with colleagues. In this modern era, people are more likely to use mobile phones as the mean of communication rather than doing face-to-face communication. Recent research indicates that the majority of people in cosmopolitan cities are completely isolation because they are bordered in the virtual communication. In addition, the newly invented technologies, mobile phones, resort people to adopt sedentary lifestyles because they spend the rest of the time to surf internet and play online games. A result shows that in Indonesia, most inhabitants use internet more than 10 hours a day in terms of entertainment as a source of amusement. Obviously, this activity causes some illness such as myopia and obesity. The innovation of some sophisticated technologies forces the reconstruction of technological infrastructure to support the availability of networking. In some developing countries, signal is the common problem that happens in some remote areas. In fact, the active users who live in radius 10 km from the cell-phone tower are difficult to gain strong signal. Consequently, the telecommunication service providers must concern to solve this problem. On the other hand, mobile phones are the useful devices to communicate and do some tasks. Many students who study abroad rely on cell-phones to keep in touch with their family and friends in their home countries. In addition, utilizing of mobile phones makes life much more convenient as businessmen can send email anywhere and anytime that only requires internet connection. Moreover, some applications can spoil users in the terrible situation. For instance, in traffic congestion, music is the best companion to release stress so that people will need mobile phone to play some songs which are stored in the internal memory. In conclusion, there are negative effects of mobile phones that can interrupt humans' lives in social, medical and technical problems. Despite its drawbacks, mobile phones provide the flexibility in term of communication. Where possible, to avoid those problems, people should pay more attention to their circumstances to mitigate problems.
Cutting-edge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is part of daily life. One of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
which engage with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's activity is mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that using cell-phones has dire consequences that result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social, medical and technical dilemmas. While mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
become worse distractions, the benefits of these advanced devices are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to provide convenient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for users.

There is no doubt that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
maintain effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
with colleagues. In this modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
as the mean of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
rather
than doing face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
. Recent research indicates that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in cosmopolitan cities are completely isolation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are bordered
in the virtual communication.

In addition
, the
newly
invented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, resort
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to adopt sedentary lifestyles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they spend the rest of the time to surf internet and play online games. A result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that in Indonesia, most inhabitants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet more than 10 hours a day in terms of entertainment as a source of amusement.
Obviously
, this activity causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illness such as myopia and obesity.

The innovation of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
forces the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
reconstruction
of technological infrastructure to support the availability of networking. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, signal is the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
that happens in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remote areas. In fact, the active users who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in radius 10 km from the cell-phone tower are difficult to gain strong signal.
Consequently
, the telecommunication service providers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
concern to solve this problem.

On the other hand
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are the useful devices to communicate and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tasks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
students who study abroad rely on cell-phones to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their family and friends in their home countries.
In addition
, utilizing of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
life much more convenient as businessmen can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
email anywhere and anytime that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
requires internet connection.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
applications can spoil users in the terrible situation.
For instance
, in traffic congestion, music is the best companion to release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will need mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
songs which
are stored
in the internal memory.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
that can interrupt humans'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in social, medical and technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Despite its drawbacks, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
provide the flexibility in term of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
. Where possible, to avoid those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should pay more attention to their circumstances to mitigate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
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IELTS essay What forms do they take? Do you agree the problems of mobile phones outweigh the benefits?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
400 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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