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What electronic devices interest you? Why?

What electronic devices interest you? Why? 53GWP
My favorite electronic device is air conditioning. It is a system for controlling the humidity, ventilation, and temperature in a building or vehicle. Air conditioners circulate and filter air, removing pollutants and mold from the air. This is especially important for people who suffer from allergies and asthma because it minimizes the irritants that trigger an attack. Additionally, when offices are air conditioned, people are able to work better and make better decisions.
My favorite electronic device is
air
conditioning. It is a system for controlling the humidity, ventilation, and temperature in a building or vehicle.
Air
conditioners circulate and filter
air
, removing pollutants and mold from the
air
. This is
especially
important
for
people
who suffer from allergies and asthma
because
it minimizes the irritants that trigger an attack.
Additionally
, when offices are
air conditioned
,
people
are able to work better and
make
better decisions.
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IELTS essay What electronic devices interest you? Why?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
73 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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