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What effects has the computer had on our lives?

What effects has the computer had on our lives? Bg02a
The twenty-first century is already turning out to be the century of the computer. The computer revolution that started after the Second World War is now developing exponentially and computers are beginning to influence and take over nearly every aspect of our lives. Computers are clearly changing and affecting society in many ways. The two main areas in which computers have brought about a profound change in our lives are in the economic field and in the field of communications. The computer has led to immense changes in economic and business life. First, businesses now have to be computerized or they risk failure. Every big corporation bases its operations on computing, regardless of which sector they are in. For example, Coca-Cola, the BBC and Levi’s market and sell different products and services, yet they all share one basic property – without computers their operations would collapse. Second, computing is an economic dynamo. Japan, China, India and many other countries have large IT sectors which drive their economies upwards. Furthermore, the developed world is moving from an industrial-based economy to a computer and IT-based one. It is not just in business that computers have affected us so profoundly; communication has been revolutionized totally. Firstly, whereas before, people wrote letters, which would often take weeks to reach their destinations, or speak on the phone, which was terribly expensive, now they e-mail. For instance, instead of waiting weeks for a letter now, we can read it instantly, seconds after it’s been written. Secondly, many people use computers to communicate with people all around the world using chat rooms and chat programs, this was impossible before the computer became widespread. As a result, now people who live thousands of kilometers away from each other can communicate as much as they want and whenever they want using e-mail and/or chat rooms. In conclusion, computers have had a profound effect on our lives in many ways and it is in business and communication that they have had the greatest influence. In the future, if the computer continues evolving at such speed, our business practices and methods of communication will undergo even more radical changes.
The twenty-
first
century is already turning out to be the century of the computer. The computer revolution that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
after the Second World War is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
developing
exponentially
and computers are beginning to influence and take over
nearly
every aspect of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Computers are
clearly
changing and affecting society in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. The two main areas in which computers have brought about a profound
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
are in the economic field and in the field of communications.

The computer has led to immense
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in economic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
life.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
computerized or
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
failure. Every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
corporation bases its operations on computing, regardless of which sector they are in.
For example
, Coca-Cola, the BBC and Levi’s market and sell
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
products and services,
yet
they all share one basic property
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
without computers their operations would collapse. Second, computing is an economic dynamo. Japan, China, India and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other countries have large IT sectors which drive their economies upwards.
Furthermore
, the developed world is moving from an industrial-based economy to a computer and IT-based one.

It is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
that computers have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
profoundly
; communication has
been revolutionized
totally
.
Firstly
, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wrote letters, which would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
take weeks to reach their destinations, or speak on the phone, which was
terribly
expensive,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
they e-mail.
For instance
,
instead
of waiting weeks for a letter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
, we can read it
instantly
, seconds after it’s
been written
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the world using chat rooms and chat programs, this was impossible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the computer became widespread.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
thousands of kilometers away from each other can communicate as much as they want and whenever they want using e-mail and/or chat rooms.

In conclusion
, computers have had a profound effect on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways and it is in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and communication that they have had the greatest influence. In the future, if the computer continues evolving at such speed, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
practices and methods of communication will undergo even more radical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
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IELTS essay What effects has the computer had on our lives?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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