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what do you think of effect of over population in the nation?

what do you think of effect of over population in the nation? qL5Ma
Since human started their community and created their own culture, they discovered that death is one of their life stages. That is the reason why human was searching for any possible treatments that able to prolong their life or returning from death. Human used to believe that there was the secret behind that idea. They had tried a lot of medication or used invented equipment which was proved by doctor in this century that treatment was cause of death. After long searching, human found there is no secret of eternity. Although human did not success of living forever but they are success on prolong life by using right medical treatments. The right medical treatment can prolong our life by helping us to handle with sickness, but what will happened when human die slower but the new born is increasing. Over the decade after we discover the way to against the sickness and number of populations are almost reaching the peak in some country, this result led to various issue, In Africa the biggest issue is lacking of food supply to people and rate of children who die because of hanger is risen. While Japan where we called “the innovation country” also have a problem with over population in the major city where space is not enough for everyone. There is indication that we had archived for prolong life but that will come with high cost in the future if we are not able to find the best solution for this matter and do not forget we still live in the same planet when more people.
Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their community and created their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture, they discovered that death is one of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
stages.
That is
the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
was searching for any possible treatments that able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prolong
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
or returning from death.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to believe that there was the secret behind that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. They had tried
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
medication or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
invented equipment which
was proved
by doctor in this century that treatment was cause of death. After long searching,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
found there is no secret of eternity. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
did not success of living forever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are success on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prolong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by using right medical treatments.

The right medical treatment can
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prolong
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by helping us to handle with sickness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "happen"
happened
when
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human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
slower
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the new born is increasing. Over the decade after we discover the way to against the sickness and number of populations are almost reaching the peak in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
country, this result led to various issue, In Africa the biggest issue is lacking of food supply to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and rate of children who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of hanger
is risen
. While Japan where we called “the innovation country”
also
have a problem with over population in the major city where space is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for everyone.

There is indication that we had archived for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prolong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with high cost in the future if we are not able to find the best solution for this matter and do not forget we
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the same planet when more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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IELTS essay what do you think of effect of over population in the nation?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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