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What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? m8qP8
Nowadays overweight has become major problem all over the world. It seen that in some nation people have no fitness and they become more overweight. This essay intends to elaborate reasons and solutions behind this trend. On the one hand, the main reason is lack of physical activity nowadays most of people choose white collor jobs and they mostly work on computers and softwares, Where they had sit continuously for more them eight hours per day they suffer from obesity. They do not do any excercise. In addition, another main reason people eat lot of junk food such as burger noodles and sweet dish that food needs lot of excercise to digest. This food has no proteins and others vitamins. It has only huge fat. When people eat them, they suffer from heavy weight and major disease such as heart attack. On other hand, there are many solutions to tackle this problem, first people should change theirs eating habits. They add rich vitamins and protein sources in daily diet. People should avoid junk food and the high calories cold drink. People should eating grains, vegetables, fruits and fat free milk. Additionally, people should do daily physical activity and go for morning walk. Government should encourage the people for physical fitnnes and aware to them regarding problem such as joint and knee problems. Government should monitor all the product bad product that is not good for human health remove from market. To conclude, although the main reason people eat lot of junk food and cold drinks. To overcome this problem people should do exercise and choose healthy lifestyle such as good eating habits and gym.
Nowadays overweight has become major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
all over the world. It
Possible grammatical error. You used a past participle without using any required verb ('be' or 'have'). Did you mean "saw"?
seen
that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fitness and
they become more overweight. This essay intends to elaborate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and solutions behind this trend.

On the one hand, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is lack of physical activity nowadays most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose white
Possible spelling mistake found.
collor
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
jobs and
they
mostly
work on computers and
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
, Where they had
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "sat".
sit
continuously
for more them eight hours per day they suffer from obesity. They do not do any
Possible spelling mistake found.
excercise
.
In addition
, another main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as burger noodles and sweet dish that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
needs lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
excercise
to digest. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has no proteins
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
vitamins. It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. When
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people
eat them, they suffer from heavy weight and major disease such as heart attack.

On other hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions to tackle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
,
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
theirs eating habits. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
rich vitamins and protein sources in daily diet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should avoid junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and the high calories
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
drink.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "eat"
eating
grains, vegetables, fruits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
free milk.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do daily physical activity and go for morning walk.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for physical
Possible spelling mistake found.
fitnnes
and aware to them regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
such as joint and knee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should monitor all the product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
product
that is
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for human health remove from market.
To conclude
, although the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
drinks. To overcome this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do exercise and choose healthy lifestyle such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
eating habits and gym.
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IELTS essay What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
274 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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