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What do you like about our camp?

What do you like about our camp? aEgmV
I will admit it: sometimes a lot of us go through the life without purpose. At times it is because of the atmosphere or the negative aspects of life and seldom because of the feelins which we are embracing. But the truth is we are all just one connection away from something incredible. In my opinion, summer camp is one of the best experiences either a child or even adults can will or could have. Although, I am 19 years old, I can honestly say that I have never been to a summer camp which gave me childhood memories. However, I believe that if I have a chance to be at a summer camp, it will be full of fun. Because you can change an entire aspect of yourself if you want. You can change what you don't like about yourself, or you can be entirely different and new person if you want. The summer camp i speak so fondly of is Ibrat languages camp which situated in Bustonliq, Tashkent. In my point of view, it is probably the most beautiful place on the planet. This summers is going to be full of fun and joy because Ibrat Camp is waiting for us. I hope I will be one of the most suitable candidate ever. Because I'm creative, curious and astute! In fact, I can bring a motivational horizon there with my songs which I sing from the depth of my heart and with my poems which I write. To sum up, I can say that it will be incredible with me )).
I will admit it:
sometimes
a lot of
us go through the life without purpose. At
times it
is
because
of the atmosphere or the
negative
aspects of life and seldom
because
of the
feelins
which we are embracing.

But
the truth is we are all
just
one connection away from something incredible. In my opinion,
summer
camp is one of the best experiences either a child or even adults can will or could have. Although, I am 19 years
old
, I can
honestly
say that I have never been to a
summer
camp which gave me childhood memories.
However
, I believe that if I have a chance to be at a
summer
camp, it will be full of fun.
Because
you can
change
an entire aspect of yourself if you want. You can
change
what you don't like about yourself, or you can be
entirely
different
and new person if you want.

The
summer
camp
i
speak
so
fondly
of is
Ibrat
languages camp which situated in
Bustonliq
, Tashkent. In my point of view, it is
probably
the most
beautiful
place on the planet.

This
summers
is
going to be full of fun and joy
because
Ibrat
Camp is waiting for us. I hope I will be one of the most suitable candidate ever.
Because
I'm creative, curious and astute! In fact, I can bring a motivational horizon there with my songs which I sing from the depth of my heart and with my poems which I write. To sum up, I can say that it will be incredible with me
)
).
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IELTS essay What do you like about our camp?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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