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Write about the following topic: The only effective way to deal with unemployment is to introduce rapid urbanization. To which extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

: The only effective way to deal with unemployment is to introduce rapid urbanization. To which extent XVAaq
Unemployment is increasing at an alarming rate. Some people believe that to curb this problem, rapid urbanization is the only solution that will turn out to be effective. However, I disagree with this notion as there are many more ways to increase the employment rate. This essay supports my viewpoint and tells about alternatives in the subsequent paragraphs. To initiate with, the first and foremost way to tackle unemployment is to bring an industrial revolution in the country. When the number of industries is increased then automatically the demand for workforce would rise because of rise in the vacancies and work in the nation. For example, in England, after doubling the number of industries, the unemployment rate came down by 43% in 1956. In this way, making job opportunities available by improving the secondary sector would prove beneficial to control unemployment. Additionally, providing funds to the citizens of the country to set up their own businesses is also a good option. Most people are not able to establish their venture because of a lack of investment even if they have talents. For instance, in India, government take an initiative to provide funds to people for their start-ups and even many policies are being implemented such as Jai Parkash Yozna. Furthermore, instead of using the capital intensive technique of production, the focus should be on labour-intensive technique. It provides the job to the surplus labour in the economy which are unemployed due to the technological advancement because they are replaced by the machines. Thus, loans and change in technique leads to the more employment opportunities, resulting in decrease of the unemployment rate. Conclusively, in order to control jobless growth in an economy, the aforementioned are some of the ways rather than rapid urbanization which tackle this problem effectively.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Unemployment
is increasing at an alarming rate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that to curb this problem, rapid urbanization is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution that will turn out to be effective.
However
, I disagree with this notion as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to increase the employment rate. This essay supports my viewpoint and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
about alternatives in the subsequent paragraphs.

To initiate with, the
first
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to tackle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
is to bring an industrial revolution in the country. When the number of industries
is increased
then
automatically
the demand for workforce would rise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of rise in the vacancies and work in the nation.
For example
, in England, after doubling the number of industries, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
rate came down by 43% in 1956. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
, making job opportunities available by improving the secondary sector would prove beneficial to control unemployment.

Additionally
, providing funds to the citizens of the country to set up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
businesses is
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not able to establish their venture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a lack of investment even if they have talents.
For instance
, in India,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
take an initiative to provide funds to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-ups and even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
policies are
being implemented
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jai
Possible spelling mistake found.
Parkash
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yozna
.
Furthermore
,
instead
of using the capital intensive technique of production, the focus should be on
Possible spelling mistake found.
labour-intensive
technique. It provides the job to the surplus
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
in the economy which
are unemployed
due to the technological advancement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are replaced
by the machines.
Thus
, loans and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in technique leads to the more employment opportunities, resulting in decrease of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
rate.

Conclusively
, in order to control jobless growth in an economy, the aforementioned are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
rather
than rapid urbanization which tackle this problem
effectively
.
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IELTS essay : The only effective way to deal with unemployment is to introduce rapid urbanization. To which extent

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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