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What do you feel about making friend?

What do you feel about making friend? OggaN
It is a common belief that making friends from all walks of life has become easier, all thanks to the development of technology. This way keeps people from loneliness and provides the ability to establish friendships from distance and entertain themselves. From my perspective, I am neutral to both sides of this statement. First, online communication helps users connect more easily regardless of geographic distance. The profile of each other account helps people find suitable friends without having to leave one's comfort zone. Sharing interests and experience can enhance skills and reduce flaws of yourself. Second, entertainment is another benefit that technology brings about. Social networks in particular and the internet, in general, is a vast pool of different kinds of stuff. Gaining knowledge of study-website, relaxing by playing games, and chatting are necessary for humans. However, the development of technology has some drawbacks. Diving in the world of social network can harm users and cause health problems to people, which need solutions as soon as possible To sum up, I believe the development of technology has both advantages and disadvantages. But overall the benefit certainly outweighs the drawbacks
It is a common belief that making friends from all walks of life has become easier, all thanks to the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. This way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from loneliness and provides the ability to establish friendships from distance and entertain themselves. From my perspective, I am neutral to both sides of this statement.

First
, online communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
users connect more
easily
regardless of geographic distance. The profile of each other account
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find suitable friends without having to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
one's comfort zone. Sharing interests and experience can enhance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
flaws of yourself. Second, entertainment is another benefit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
brings about. Social networks
in particular
and the internet,
in general
, is a vast pool of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of stuff. Gaining knowledge of study-website, relaxing by playing games, and chatting are necessary for humans.
However
, the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. Diving in the world of social network can harm users and cause health problems to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which need solutions as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible

To sum up, I believe the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has both advantages and disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
overall
the benefit
certainly
outweighs the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
drawbacks
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IELTS essay What do you feel about making friend?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
188 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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