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What caused the disappearance of the bees? What can we do about this terrible loss?

What caused the disappearance of the bees? What can we do about this terrible loss? MyPkQ
These days, after we have heard about beekeeping problems the majority of people are worried about the disappearance of the bees. What scientists discover is that this phenomenon has three reasons, parasites, habitat loss, and cell phones. Beekeepers say that they are at stake of parasitic because mysteriously during the pollination approximately is a threat, and annually they had to use pesticides in order to decline fungus infection. Intensively we are looking for a lucrative harvest.
These days, after we have heard about beekeeping problems the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are worried
about the disappearance of the bees. What scientists discover is that this phenomenon has three reasons, parasites, habitat loss, and cell phones. Beekeepers say that they are at stake of parasitic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
mysteriously
during the pollination approximately is a threat, and
annually
they had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
pesticides in order to decline fungus infection.
Intensively
we are looking for a lucrative harvest.

IELTS essay What caused the disappearance of the bees? What can we do about this terrible loss?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
76 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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