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What cause an increasing in the number of overweight children, and how to solve

What cause an increasing in the number of overweight children, and how to solve BwEaV
The number of children that are overweight which could occur various issues regarding to both of the children's health and the health care expenses in future to come. In my opinion, children gain weight by having only unproductive things for exants, Candies, ice-cream including junk foods. In order to fill the bill, parent or guardian should keep an eye on children and limit the amount of junk food that kids taken in daily life. In my way of thinking children these days have eaten a great amount of junk food that contains a number of carbohydrates and fats, moreover, they don't exercise enough to burn calories. Nowadays, parents spoiled their kids by let them have what they want. Moreover, guardians are not concerns about future health expenses that their children will be responsible for. Nevertheless, as being a parent, parent should has their own way in order to deal with your kids since children are too young to consider what is good or bad by themselves. As school plays an important role in children's life, school and teachers must keep in touch with students with the purpose of limiting carbohydrates taken in certain meals. In addition, schools should provide daily exercise for students to lose weights and also contribute a healthy diet lesson to students. Ultimately, In order for children to lose weight, they need parents or guardians to help them accomplished a goal by monitoring their own kids and making sure that they will not face both health and healthcare costs in a few years to come.
The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that are overweight which could occur various issues
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
both of the children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care expenses in future to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
gain weight by having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
unproductive things for
Possible spelling mistake found.
exants
, Candies, ice-cream including junk foods. In order to fill the bill,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
or guardian should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and limit the amount of junk food that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
taken in daily life.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my way of thinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days have eaten a great amount of junk food that contains a number of carbohydrates and fats,
moreover
, they don't exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to burn calories. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spoiled their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them have what they want.

Moreover
, guardians are not concerns about future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
expenses

that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be responsible for.

Nevertheless
, as being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "have"
has
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way in order to deal with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are too young to consider what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
by themselves. As school plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in children's life,

school and teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with students with the purpose of limiting carbohydrates taken in certain meals.

In addition
, schools should provide daily exercise for students to lose weights and
also
contribute a healthy diet lesson to students.

Ultimately
, In order for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to lose weight, they need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or guardians to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them accomplished a goal by monitoring their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and making sure that they will not face both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and healthcare costs in a few years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.
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IELTS essay What cause an increasing in the number of overweight children, and how to solve

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
258 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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