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One common school of thought is that humans are more reliant on each other, while some people are opposite with the statement

One common school of thought is that humans are more reliant on each other, while some people are opposite with the statement dl8ro
One common school of thought is that humans are more reliant on each other, while some people are opposite with the statement. From my own perspective, dependency between people make sense in just certain cases. With self-esteem and self-reliant, people are more independent. Thanks to the fast and meaningful improvement of technology and the creativity of inventors, humans can easily and wisely complete tasks. For instance, Mr. Duong Van Ngo, the last letter writer in Ho Chi Minh city, Vietnam have just retired after 70 years without successors because of the convenience and cheap of electronic mail. In addition, as Vietnamese children are being instructed that the older, we are, the more independent we must be, they can responsibly and successfully achieve their ambitions and gain opportunities for promotion. However, there are plethora of reasons for the dependence of humans. Firstly, what makes families members rely on others is the increase of living expenses. To illustrate this, no way can children pay for their tutor fees without the support from family’s incomes or other sources. Also, due to busy schedules at work, parents no longer take care of their children, but grandparents and babysitters. Secondly, workers who want to make progress in their career ought to associate together to create a creative workplace where dependence and co-operation are highly considered above all. Finally, caring for those in need, such as disabled people, veterans and the poor seems to be the whole society’s humanitarian responsibilities. All in all, I wholeheartedly believe that although humans do not rely on other anymore in specific circumstances, busy lifestyles and great living costs have indirectly make our lives become independent. Over time, it would be revealed as both positive and negative development and any single society.
One common school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are more reliant on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are opposite with the statement. From my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, dependency between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sense in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
certain cases.

With self-esteem and self-reliant,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more independent. Thanks to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and meaningful improvement of technology and the creativity of inventors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
can
easily
and
wisely
complete tasks.
For instance
, Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Duong
Van
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ngo
, the last letter writer in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Ho Chi Minh city
, Vietnam have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
retired after 70 years without successors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the convenience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
of electronic mail.
In addition
, as Vietnamese children are
being instructed
that the older, we are, the more independent we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be, they can
responsibly
and
successfully
achieve their ambitions and gain opportunities for promotion.

However
, there are plethora of reasons for the dependence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
Firstly
, what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
families members rely on others is the increase of living expenses. To illustrate this, no way can children pay for their tutor fees without the support from family’s incomes or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sources.
Also
, due to busy schedules at work, parents no longer take care of their children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
grandparents and babysitters.
Secondly
, workers who want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
progress in their career ought to
This phrase is redundant. Consider writing "associate".
associate together
to create a creative workplace where dependence and co-operation are
highly
considered
above all
.
Finally
, caring for those in need, such as disabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, veterans and the poor seems to be the whole society’s humanitarian responsibilities.

All in all, I
wholeheartedly
believe that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
do not rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Make sure that 'anymore' is used as an adverb, not as an adjective. Did you mean "any more"?
anymore
in specific circumstances, busy lifestyles and great living costs have
indirectly
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "made".
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
become independent. Over time, it would
be revealed
as both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development and any single society.
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IELTS essay One common school of thought is that humans are more reliant on each other, while some people are opposite with the statement

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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