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What can parents do to help their children have healthy lifestyles?

What can parents do to help their children have healthy lifestyles? ElPq3
Parents need to make sure their children lead healthy lives. What can parents do to help their children have healthy lifestyles? As far as I'm concerned parents can do lots of things to help their kids shape good habits of living healthy lives. First of all, they're supposed to supervise their kids, like guiding them to be a morning person instead of a night owl. Getting enough sleep can improve your child’s mental, emotional, and physical health. Not getting enough sleep may lead to many health issues, including obesity. Since children imitate their parent's behaviour, parents could act as a role model. To be more specific, they can set a good example by going for a walk or riding a bike instead of watching TV, playing a video game, or surfing the internet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure their children lead healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. What can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their children have healthy lifestyles?

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
far as I'm concerned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can do lots of things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their kids shape
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits of living healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they're supposed to supervise their kids, like guiding them to be a morning person
instead
of a night owl. Getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
sleep can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your child’s mental, emotional, and physical health. Not getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
sleep may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health issues, including obesity.

Since children imitate their parent's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could act as a role model. To be more specific, they can set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example by going for a walk or riding a bike
instead
of watching TV, playing a video game, or surfing the internet.

IELTS essay What can parents do to help their children have healthy lifestyles?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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