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What are you passionate about, why, and how has this influenced what you want to study at university?

What are you passionate about, why, and how has this influenced what you want to study at university? G38wx
Ever since I went to high school, I enjoy reading economics articles to keep updated on my country's economy and businesses. I have been interested in economics and curious about how the system works, seeing as it connects with everything, including an individual's salary. Turns out, 68% of Indonesian citizens are in labor work and most of them work underpaid. With Jakarta minimum wage being RP4. 416. 186, some workers received lower than that. Furthermore, there are many cases of seniority or abuse of power, which mainly happens to interns, women, and minorities. By acknowledging the mistreatment surrounding the economic workplace and wanting to become a business owner in the future, I began to self-reflect and always treat others equally regardless of race, ethnicity, religion, and many more. Personally, I want to become a global business owner in consulting and hospitality. I want to create a place where the salaries are able to be above the minimum wage for every employee including the janitors. I wish to employ the workers with men, women, and minorities in equal numbers where they both have the same opportunity to explore their career and experience. I wish to create a supportive work environment that does not hinge on hierarchy but everyone is able to respect each other and learn from one another. That is why I want to study abroad for a business related degree, specifically in management. I believe that studying the fundamentals of management to launch and improve a business, while enhancing critical thinking in socially and ethically decisions will increase my chance of becoming a global and diverse business owner. I will be able to enrich my experience and knowledge about international business operations and strategies. I am determined to take any steps, even the smallest ones to achieve my dream.
Ever since I went to high school, I enjoy reading economics articles to
keep
updated on my country's economy and
businesses
. I have
been interested
in economics and curious about how the system works, seeing as it connects with everything, including an individual's salary. Turns out, 68% of Indonesian citizens are in labor
work
and most of them
work
underpaid. With Jakarta minimum wage being RP4. 416. 186,
some
workers received lower than that.
Furthermore
, there are
many
cases of seniority or abuse of power, which
mainly
happens to
interns
, women, and minorities.

By acknowledging the mistreatment surrounding the economic workplace and wanting to become a
business
owner in the future, I began to self-reflect and always treat others
equally
regardless of race, ethnicity, religion, and
many
more.
Personally
, I want to become a global
business
owner in consulting and hospitality. I want to create a place where the salaries are able to be above the minimum wage for every employee including the janitors. I wish to employ the workers with
men
, women, and minorities in equal numbers where they both have the same opportunity to explore their career and experience.
I
wish to create a supportive
work
environment that does not hinge on hierarchy
but
everyone is able to respect each other and learn from one another.

That is
why I want to study abroad for a
business
related degree,
specifically
in management. I believe that studying the fundamentals of management to launch and
improve
a
business
, while enhancing critical thinking in
socially
and
ethically
decisions will increase my chance of becoming a global and diverse
business
owner. I will be able to enrich my experience and knowledge about international
business
operations and strategies.
I
am determined
to take any steps, even the smallest ones to achieve my dream.
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IELTS essay What are you passionate about, why, and how has this influenced what you want to study at university?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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