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What are the three most important factors that lead to one’s success?

What are the three most important factors that lead to one’s success? m5j7N
In today’s world, there are many factors that lead to someone’s success. From my point of view, there are 3 factors that help you get success easier: passion, perseverance, and change. First of all, passion is one of the most important factors that make your life with work happier. It is called a key component to finding success in life. With passion, we will have a more positive outlook and greater confidence in what we do that inspires ourselves and makes our lives worth living. Otherwise, if we don’t have any passion for whatever we are trying to pursue, we are more likely to quit when we face a problem or a challenge. Hence, passion is an energy source in our life which refuse to be defeated by life difficulties. Eventually, the effort is also important. It is an essential element when you need to achieve a high level of success and it comes naturally and requires a strong will. It’s a difficult way to get to success but if you keep persevering long enough, you will achieve your worthy results. People practice perseverance who are not going to quit in a hard situation, are more trustworthy than others and they will hold their ground no matter how hard the situation gets. Besides, it leads us to broaden our knowledge and make our progress worthy. Tom Hopkins said that “ I am not judged by the number of times I fail, but by the number of I succeed and the number of times I succeed is in direct proportion to the number of times I fail and keep trying”. So, your success depends largely on your persistence and perseverance.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors that lead to someone’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. From my point of view, there are 3 factors that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
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success
easier:
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passion
, perseverance, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
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passion
is one of the most
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important
factors that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with work happier. It
is called
a key component to finding
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success
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
, we will have a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outlook and greater confidence in what we do that inspires ourselves and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
worth living.
Otherwise
, if we don’t have any
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passion
for whatever we are trying to pursue, we are more likely to quit when we face a problem or a challenge.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
is an energy source in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which refuse to
be defeated
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
difficulties.

Eventually
, the effort is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. It is an essential element when you need to achieve a high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
naturally
and requires a strong will. It’s a difficult way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if you
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keep
persevering long
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enough
, you will achieve your worthy results.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
practice perseverance who are not going to quit in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
situation, are more trustworthy than
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
others and
they will hold their ground no matter how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
the situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
.
Besides
, it leads us to broaden our knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our progress worthy. Tom Hopkins said that
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
I am not judged by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of times I fail,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of I succeed and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of times I succeed is in direct proportion to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of times I fail and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
trying”.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
depends
largely
on your persistence and perseverance.
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IELTS essay What are the three most important factors that lead to one’s success?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
279 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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