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What are the reasons for this rise in obesity?

What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? 5APRQ
In the recently years, the population on earth facing several problems. For example, global warming, change of dressing culture, rising in obesity and so on. In this essay, I will discuss some reasons for this rise in obesity. One of the main causes of the problem is which people eating junk foods. We can see this in a situation that exceeds the norm. For many people, especially this problem affects both children and adults. The solution is for the government is necessary to put an end to the sale of fast foods. We must act quickly. Another problem is global warming. Because, weather all have different effects. Sime to person to affect good, but other to people affect bad. In doubt, have more factory's causes this problem. To tackle this situations, it's necessary to make day of the week without cars. I mean, on that day everyone must walk in the road. A third cause of the problem is do not train sports. Naturally, make little effort get out of hand in own healthy. You can say that, more expensive sport gym, that's why we do not get train. It's possible to argue that, running in the morning is also very useful and do not takes overweight. To sum up, this is a problem which is more and more serious. Thus, kill your time by training sports, running in the morning, eating natural foods and so on. After all, we must not ignore this problem
In the recently years, the population on earth facing several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
For example
, global warming,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of dressing culture, rising in obesity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. In this essay, I will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for this rise in obesity.

One of the main causes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
eating junk foods. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this in a situation that exceeds the norm. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
affects both children and adults. The solution is for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is necessary to put an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
to the sale of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
act
quickly
.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is global warming.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, weather all have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
effects.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sime
to person to affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. In doubt, have more
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "factorys"?
factory's
causes this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. To tackle
Did you mean "these"?
this
situations, it's necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
day of the week without cars. I mean, on that day everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
walk in the road.

A third cause of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is
Consider using a past participle here: "done".
do
not train sports.
Naturally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
effort
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of hand in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
healthy. You can say that, more expensive sport gym, that's why we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
train. It's possible to argue that, running in the morning is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful and do not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "take"?
takes
overweight.

To sum up, this is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which is more and more serious.
Thus
, kill your time by training sports, running in the morning, eating natural foods and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
After all
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
problem
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IELTS essay What are the reasons for this rise in obesity?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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