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What are the pros and cons of extreme sports?

What are the pros and cons of extreme sports? jRQlL
Sports are very beneficial for human, because from birth to death human remains connected with sports and there are many types of sports are available in the world. Likewise many people participate in the extreme sports, so i will discuss its merits and demerits in upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, some people are interested in the extreme sports and they enjoy by watching it, that's why these become very popular. Moreover, extreme sports are source of income for players, because they can earn good, due to which they also can live luxurious life. Furthermore, participants will get name and fame and good opportunities of government jobs and travelling one place to another place. After that, when people of other countries come for watching the that sports, then it increase the economy country. On the flip side, but some people think extreme sports are dangerous of players, for example in the car racing when players drive the cars at the high speed, they can be injured even die die due to accident, even these types of races are dangerous for viewers, who stay on the both sides of the road. Besides this, visitors will influence on the natives, when they come in their home towns for watching these sports like cultural effects. After that, extreme sports are very expensive, which cannot afford poor people. In conclusion, every coin has two sides, likewise this topic also has mixed bag. But my opinion is players should take about some precautions, while they are included in the extreme sports.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for human,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
from birth to death human remains connected with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are available in the world.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Likewise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
participate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Did you mean "I"?
i
will discuss its merits and demerits in upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are interested
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sports and
they enjoy by watching it, that's why these become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are source of income for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can earn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, due to which they
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
luxurious life.
Furthermore
, participants will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
name and fame and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunities of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
jobs and travelling one place to another place. After that, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of other countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
for watching the that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, then it
Did you mean "increases"?
increase
the economy country.

On the flip side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
,
for example
in the car racing when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
drive the cars at the high speed, they can
be injured
even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
due to accident, even these types of races are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for viewers, who stay on the both sides of the road.
Besides
this, visitors will influence on the natives, when they
The words "come in" and "come to" have different meanings. "Come in their office" means "have an orgasm in their office." "Come to" or "Come into" means "enter." Did you mean "come to" or "come into"?
come in
their home towns for watching these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like cultural effects. After that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive, which cannot afford poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, every coin has two sides,
likewise
this topic
also
has mixed bag.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
my opinion is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
should take about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
precautions, while they
are included
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
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IELTS essay What are the pros and cons of extreme sports?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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