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What are the causes of bullying?

What are the causes of bullying? N37GN
Bullying is one of the main problems children are facing at school. There are several reasons for this. To begin with, children want to have the feeling of power and control over their peers because they may be a victim of many bullies. Another reason is that they want to build fame and a unique identity at school. They think this is cool and funny, so they start bullying. Finally, young people want to get attention. In many families, children are ignored since their parents work outside and have difficulty spending quality time with their kids. That is why parents are not aware of children’s activities, leading to bullies. These depend on those closest to the bullies trying to change hurtful behaviors. Overall, bullying is a serious problem at school that stems from several causes.
Bullying is one of the main problems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are facing at school. There are several reasons for this. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to have the feeling of power and control over their peers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may be a victim of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
bullies. Another reason is that they want to build fame and a unique identity at school. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is cool and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
bullying.
Finally
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attention. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
since their parents work outside and have difficulty spending quality time with their kids.
That is
why parents are not aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
activities, leading to bullies. These depend on those closest to the bullies trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
hurtful behaviors.
Overall
, bullying is a serious problem at school that stems from several causes.
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IELTS essay What are the causes of bullying?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
135 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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