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Sport Should Be Compulsory at School

Sport Should Be Compulsory at School pePgD
Sport Should Be Compulsory At School Imagine a school without sport, just school work the whole day, every week, every month and every year. How boring would that be and how will the students look? They would be obese, unhealthy and they tend to get weary and bored of school routine, and studies become a drag. Now, what will happen if sport was compulsory at every school? If sport was compulsory at every school, students would be healthy, active and have more concentration at school. They will have a break from work and have fun running around and playing sport. Then everybody would be healthy and fit. An obesity graph for children and adults has been growing in the past few years. Students may not know this but if you’re not fit and healthy when you’re young, you will be even worse health when you get older. Students would also learn to work as a team and cooperate with each other when playing sport. They can then also cooperate in class as well. A research showed that students participating in sports will have better academic performance than the ones who were not exposed to physical sports. Sport also seemed to give a boost in character building and preparing the children for student leadership boards. Outdoor sport allows students to breath in fresh air, which they might not get at home because they are expose to the television or the computer. Playing sport does not only give you better health and body, it also allows you to learn more skills and develop better coordination for the eye. Another benefit when you play sport is that you can experience both defeat and victory and accepting both as a part of life so that they are prepared for the real world. When your applying for a job, they would rather choose a fit person whose slightly less smarter than the obese one because when your obese people will think that you aren’t active and sometimes you will have to run around in the office for whatever reason and if you aren’t active then you won’t last very long running around. One the other hand the fit person can run around much longer because he is fit and much more active. Now that I’ve given all my reasons, I strongly recommend that you agree with me because those students are the future generation of this world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
Should Be Compulsory At
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
Imagine a
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school
without
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sport
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
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school
work the whole day, every week, every month and every year. How boring would that be and how will the
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students
look? They would be obese,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
unhealthy and
they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
weary and
In standard English it's more accepted to use "bored with" or "bored by".
bored of
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school
routine, and studies become a drag.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, what will happen if
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sport
was compulsory at every
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school
? If
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sport
was compulsory at every
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school
,
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students
would be healthy,
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active
and have more concentration at school.

They will have a break from work and have fun running
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around
and playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. Then everybody would be healthy and
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fit
. An obesity graph for children and adults has been growing in the past few years.
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Students
may not know this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if you’re not
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fit
and healthy when you’re young, you will be even worse health when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older.
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Students
would
also
learn to work as a team and cooperate with each other when playing
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sport
. They can then
also
cooperate in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
as well
.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
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students
participating in
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sports
will have better academic performance than the ones who were not exposed to physical sports.

Sport
also
seemed to give a boost in character building and preparing the children for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
leadership boards. Outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
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students
to breath in fresh air, which they might not
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get
at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
Consider using a past participle here: "exposed".
expose
to the television or the computer. Playing
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sport
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give you better health and body, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
you to learn more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and develop better coordination for the eye. Another benefit when you play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is that you can experience both defeat and victory and accepting both as a part of life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
are prepared
for the real world.

When
Did you mean "you're" or "you are"?
your
applying for a job, they would
rather
choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
person whose
slightly
Non-standard use of the comparative or superlative. Did you mean "less smart"?
less smarter
than the obese one
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because
when your obese
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people
will
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think
that you aren’t
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active
and
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sometimes
you will
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have to
run
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around
in the office for whatever reason and if you aren’t
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active
then you won’t last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long running
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around
.
Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
person can run
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around
much longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
and much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
that I’ve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
all my reasons, I
strongly
recommend that you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are the future generation of this world.
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IELTS essay Sport Should Be Compulsory at School

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
402 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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