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What are the causes and effects of doing a full time job

What are the causes and effects of doing a full time job RwQ08
What are the drawbacks, then? Firstly, doing full-time jobs affects the relationship in life. They will not have time to care about their children or family, some children do not meet or talk with their parents for a week or a month. Children will feel lonely and have nobody to share anything in their life, even suffering from mental illnesses. People who work the whole day can’t interact with their friends, let alone making new friends. They will be isolated from society, which affects their mental health and makes them cope with depression. Secondly, they spend less time caring about their health. Being too busy prevents them from playing sports, they may have problems with their health such as undergoing osteoarthritis, …. In addition, owing to working full-time, they won’t be able to have a healthy meal. They will eat fast food or ready-made food, which causes some diseases like cancer, stomach pain, …. Finally, they will be on the verge of being stress. It has a bad influence on workers and job performance, their brains can't be productive every minute of every day. To summarize, several reasons such as the increase in living cost, etc and consequences such as being stress, etc of the working whole day have been mentioned in this essay. As far as I am concerned, workers ought to balance between works and other parts of their life.
What are the drawbacks, then?
Firstly
, doing full-time jobs affects the relationship in life. They will not have time to care about their children or family,
some
children do not
meet
or talk with their parents for a week or a month. Children will feel lonely and have nobody to share anything in their life, even suffering from mental illnesses.
People
who work the whole day can’t interact with their friends,
let
alone making new friends. They will
be isolated
from society, which affects their mental health and
makes
them cope with depression.
Secondly
, they spend less time caring about their health. Being too busy
prevents
them from playing sports, they may have problems with their health such as undergoing osteoarthritis, ….
In addition
, owing to working full-time, they won’t be able to have a healthy meal. They will eat
fast
food or ready-made food, which causes
some
diseases like cancer, stomach pain, ….
Finally
, they will be on the verge of being
stress
. It has a
bad
influence on workers and job performance, their brains can't be productive every minute of every day.

To summarize
, several reasons such as the increase in living cost, etc and consequences such as being
stress
, etc of the working whole day have
been mentioned
in this essay. As far as I
am concerned
, workers ought to balance between works and other parts of their life.
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IELTS essay What are the causes and effects of doing a full time job

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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