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What are the benefits and problems involved in introducing compulsory sport in schools throughout your country?

What are the benefits and problems involved in introducing compulsory sport in schools throughout your country? kYjJK
In recent years, there has been a momentous shift from an academic-oriented to sports inclusive schooling globally. While some people believe that having physical education as part of the education system is absolutely critical, others oppose this idea. This essay will discuss both sides and provide reasons to explicate the benefits of making sports compulsory in schools. To begin with, one strong argument among those that believe sports is not as important as academics is that, ultimately the child's performance in academics is what determines a successful career. Today, the competition has risen to alarming levels which have caused those without a formal college or schooling to be left out of the rat race. As a result, many schools stress on developing and honing a student's academic acumen. For example, empirical evidence suggests that parents in India start training their students for competitive exams early-on, which hampers exposure to sports and other extra-curricular activities. However, there are several arguments in favour of introducing mandatory sports in academic institutions worldwide. Firstly, sports not only allows the children to be physically fit but also wards off possible future health risks due to our contemporary sedentary life. For example, children who do not participate in sports activities are more prone to obesity. In addition, there are numerous examples of successful sports stars who have had limited education but have achieved great success, while pursuing their passion. Consequently, with an increase in literacy, more parents are understanding the impact of sports on the overall development of their child. To conclude, despite continuing stress on academics in developing nations, most schools are adopting compulsory sports or physical education as part of their academic curriculum. In my opinion, active participation in sports can help students achieve successful careers while pursuing their interests.
In recent years, there has been a momentous shift from an academic-oriented to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
inclusive schooling globally. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that having physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system is
absolutely
critical, others oppose this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. This essay will discuss both sides and provide reasons to explicate the benefits of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
compulsory in schools.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one strong argument among those that believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is not as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
is that,
ultimately
the child's performance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
is what determines a successful career.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the competition has risen to alarming levels which have caused those without a formal college or schooling to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out of the rat race.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on developing and honing a student's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
acumen.
For example
, empirical evidence suggests that parents in India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
training their students for competitive exams early-on, which hampers exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and other extra-curricular activities.

However
, there are several arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of introducing mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
institutions worldwide.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the children to be
physically
fit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
wards off possible future health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
due to our contemporary sedentary life.
For example
, children who do not participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities are more prone to obesity.
In addition
, there are numerous examples of successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars who have had limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have achieved great success, while pursuing their passion.
Consequently
, with an increase in literacy, more parents
The verb 'understanding' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are understanding
the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on the
overall
development of their child.

To conclude
, despite continuing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
in developing nations, most schools are adopting compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
curriculum. In my opinion, active participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students achieve successful careers while pursuing their interests.
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IELTS essay What are the benefits and problems involved in introducing compulsory sport in schools throughout your country?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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