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Many people think that the place you were born affects your success in later life. What is your opinion about the relevance of one’s place of birth upon future success?

Many people think that the place you were born affects your success in later life. What is your opinion about the relevance of one’s place of birth upon future success? 0ABLq
In recent years, there has been a dramatic rise in successful people originating from developed nations. While some people believe that citizens of wealthy and technologically advanced nations are naturally poised to be provided with numerous opportunities, others oppose this idea. This essay will discuss both sides and provide reasons why these two are inexorably linked. To begin with, one strong argument for those that believe successful people have no dependence on the country of their origin is that they claim that other factors like hard work, discipline, risk-taking ability and consistent efforts play an even more pivotal role. For instance, Usain Bolt, who is a Jamaican athlete, was born in a relatively poor country, but that did not dissuade him from being the best sprinter in the world. Moreover, the place of birth can only provide the necessary means to survive and exposure to the outside world but does not guarantee a promising career. However, there are several arguments in favour of one's birthplace being essential for success. They not only provide favourable policies and facilities but also work actively to shape an individual's future. Countries like China, for instance, have special schools designed to identify young talent and provide the necessary support to transform them into international level sports stars. Several talented sportsmen opt-out as they are unable to support their families financially during their early careers. In addition, Western countries have several prominent academic institutions that churn out the best scientists, researchers and professionals every year. To conclude, despite several factors being responsible towards an individual's successful life, the place of origin plays a cardinal part by providing facilities to nurture talent from an early age. In my opinion, the place of origin is one of the key determiners of a promising career.
In recent years, there has been a dramatic rise in successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
originating from developed nations. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that citizens of wealthy and
technologically
advanced nations are
naturally
poised to
be provided
with numerous opportunities, others oppose this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. This essay will discuss both sides and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
reasons why these two are
inexorably
linked.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one strong argument for those that believe successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have no dependence on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
of their origin is that they claim that other factors like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, discipline,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
-taking ability and consistent efforts play an even more pivotal role.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Usain
Bolt, who is a Jamaican athlete,
was born
in a
relatively
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that did not dissuade him from being the best sprinter in the world.
Moreover
, the place of birth can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
the necessary means to survive and exposure to the outside world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
does not guarantee a promising career.

However
, there are several arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of one's birthplace being essential for success. They not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
policies and facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
work
actively
to shape an individual's future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
like China,
for instance
, have special schools designed to identify young talent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
the necessary support to transform them into international level sports stars. Several talented sportsmen opt-out as they are unable to support their families
financially
during their early careers.
In addition
, Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have several prominent academic institutions that churn out the best scientists, researchers and professionals every year.

To conclude
, despite several factors being responsible towards an individual's successful life, the place of origin plays a cardinal part by providing facilities to nurture talent from an early age. In my opinion, the place of origin is one of the key determiners of a promising career.
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IELTS essay Many people think that the place you were born affects your success in later life. What is your opinion about the relevance of one’s place of birth upon future success?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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