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What are the advantages and disadvantages of MOBILE PHONE with children?

What are the advantages and disadvantages of MOBILE PHONE with children? q1NRP
Nowadays, children approach the mobile phone very soon. Modern technology is more and more developed, each person have one mobile phone and even their kids also have some. However, there are both of advantages and disadvantages of this. In this essay, I will discuss some of the benefit when children using mobile phone and how is damage of this. Let’s begin by looking at the pros of allow children use mobile phone. One of the main positive of this is the mobile phone is very useful for emergencies. They can easily contact their parents if they have accidents anytime. In addition, their parents can know wherechildren are to rescue them through positioning application. Secondly, cell phones give children great equipment to improve their knowledge about education, social life, music, etc. Take some language app, for example. App designers had made a lot of language applications, special learn English app by some funny lessons with cartoon characters, standard pronunciation, and games for practice vocabulary, it helps children can learn English easily without boring and hate study. Moreover, in-store app have some musical instruments like simulated piano, guitar, saxophone, . . . to train children’s skill. Turning to the other side of the argument, using mobile phone exceed regulation will negatively affect children’s health. When children look at phone screen too much time, it will hurt their eyes. Also, sitting in one place using the phone too much will affect children’s spine and make children are less active, outgoing. Another issue is that children waste of too much time on cell phones causes to neglect their studies. They are interested in games or cartoons all day, so they cannot focus on lessons even if they do not want to learn seriously and do not do homework. In other words, a mobile phone made decreases enthusiasm in the learning of children. Having looked at both sides, mobile phone is very useful for children. You need to weigh up the pros of the phone which help advancing learning abilities of children, and the cons of using phone too much time and distract studying. Personally, I believe with parent supervision will lead children best grow by using mobile phone without to be influenced any negatives.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
approach the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. Modern technology is more and more developed, each person have one mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and even their kids
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
.
However
, there are both of advantages and disadvantages of this. In this essay, I will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
benefit when
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children
using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and how is
The usual collocation for word "damage" is "to" not "of." Revise: "damage to".
damage of
this.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by looking at the pros of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
. One of the main
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
of this is the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for emergencies. They can
easily
contact their parents if they have accidents anytime.
In addition
, their parents can know
Possible spelling mistake found.
wherechildren
are to rescue them through positioning application.

Secondly
, cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
great equipment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge about education, social life, music, etc. Take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
language app,
for example
. App designers had made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
language applications, special learn English app by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
lessons with cartoon characters, standard pronunciation, and games for practice vocabulary, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn English
easily
without boring and hate study.
Moreover
, in-store app have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
musical instruments like simulated piano, guitar, saxophone
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.

Turning to the other side of the argument, using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
exceed regulation will
negatively
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
look at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
screen too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
time, it will hurt their eyes.
Also
, sitting in one place using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
will affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
spine and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are less active, outgoing.

Another issue is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
waste of too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
time on cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
causes to neglect their studies. They
are interested
in games or cartoons all day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they cannot focus on lessons even if they do not want to learn
seriously
and do not do homework.
In other words
, a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
made decreases enthusiasm in the learning of children.

Having looked at both sides, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. You need to weigh up the pros of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to advance" or "advance".
advancing
learning abilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and the cons of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
time and distract studying.
Personally
, I believe with parent supervision

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
will
lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
best grow by using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
without to
be influenced
any negatives.
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IELTS essay What are the advantages and disadvantages of MOBILE PHONE with children?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
370 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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