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Some people think that giving AIDS to the poor countries has more negative effect rather than positive and do you agree or disagree

Some people think that giving AIDS to the poor countries has more negative effect rather than positive and N32wW
In this present scenario, some individuals opines that giving things to the needy people has enormous demerits rather than merits. On the contrary, I disagree with this notion and I will discuss my view points in upcoming paragraphs that why it is essential to help the poor countries. To begin with, the biggest reason is that to help the needy pupils because every state directly or indirectly interconnected with each other in case of terrorism and crime. Moreover, rich Empires assistance the beggarly realm in order to reduce offence in their Kingdom. Secondly, a plethora of States give aids to impoverished territories if any diseases viral ine below par nation then that infection also separated in near realm. To cite an example, last year Americans were suffer from pandemic virus and after some months this covid spread in almost all the countries and every nation face the number of problems. On the other hand, every garden has weeds. Firstly, when wealthy countries cash rich territories then they over dependent on them and stop to make doing any efforts. Secondly, the giving aids by plentiful States put into wrong hands then the whole purpose to assist the poor is waste because greedy humans never transfer money to needy teenagers who want food and clothes. They use cash to fulfill their personal requirements. To instance, my father heard news in a piece of newspaper that last month government gave funds to every country to made Apartments for needy people but the member of that state utilize hard cash for their personal use. To sum up, I would like to that wealthy Nations help the poor countries with health, education and trade are crucial for the mushroom growth of poorer territories.
In this present scenario,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals opines that giving things to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
enormous demerits
rather
than merits.
On the contrary
, I disagree with this notion and I will discuss my view points in upcoming paragraphs that why it is essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the poor countries.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the biggest reason is that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needy
pupils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
directly
or
indirectly
interconnected with each other in case of terrorism and crime.
Moreover
, rich
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "Empires'" or "empire's"?
Empires
assistance the
beggarly
realm in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
in their Kingdom.
Secondly
, a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
give aids to impoverished territories if any diseases viral
Possible spelling mistake found.
ine
below par nation then that infection
also
separated in near realm. To cite an example, last year Americans
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
Consider using a past participle here: "suffered".
suffer
from pandemic virus and after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
months this
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid
spread in almost all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and every nation face the number of problems.

On the other hand
, every garden has weeds.
Firstly
, when wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
cash rich territories then they over dependent on them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
doing any efforts.
Secondly
, the giving aids by plentiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
put into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
hands then the whole purpose to assist the poor is waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
greedy humans never transfer money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who want food and clothes. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cash to fulfill their personal requirements. To instance, my father heard news in a piece of newspaper that last month
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
gave funds to every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to made Apartments for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the member of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
utilize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
cash for their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. To sum up, I would like to that wealthy Nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with health, education and trade are crucial for the mushroom growth of poorer territories.
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IELTS essay Some people think that giving AIDS to the poor countries has more negative effect rather than positive and

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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