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What are the advantages and disadvantages of maternity leave?

What are the advantages and disadvantages of maternity leave? p5dKy
Nearly all women and mothers wish to have their own babies and hugged them with love. Although they know how hard it is to have a baby, it is really worth it. Hence, the majority of companies and organizations try to provide convenient situations for both parents before and after the birth of infants. One of the services is offering maternity leaves for mothers and paid leaves for fathers. In spite of the numerous merits of maternity leaves, it occasionally has its own discomfort and disadvantages. One of the greatest advantages of maternity leave can be creating peace of mind for mothers. The last months of pregnancy and the first months after delivering/ giving birth are very critical for both mothers and infants. However, mothers need to have kind of absolute rest the last month of pregnancy and they need to spend a lot of time with their babies after giving birth. Newborn infants are dependent and need their mothers intensely. In fact, mothers breast-feed the babies days and nights, so they have to stay up at night to feed and take care of them. Under these circumstances, mothers always feel tired and not going to work can invigorate them physically and mentally. Maternity leave can cause some problems. According to statistics over 70% of companies and organizations do not pay maternity leaves. In the other words, mothers do not go to work and do not receive any salary. It exactly happens when a new member has been added to the family, so the expenses of life have been increased. Here, fathers are the only ones who have to carry the burden of making a living and this makes the family tolerate some financial problems. In addition, mothers spend a lot of time alone at home away from other people; it can put mothers in danger of depression. In conclusion, maternity leave is one of the services offered by organizations to give mothers this opportunity to think calmly about her newborn infant only. In my opinion the demerits of this service are nothing in comparison with its pros.
Nearly
all women and mothers wish to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
and hugged them with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
. Although they know how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
it is to have a baby, it is
really
worth it.
Hence
, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and organizations try to provide convenient situations for both parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and after the birth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infants
. One of the services is offering maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaves
for mothers and paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaves
for fathers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the numerous merits of maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaves
, it
occasionally
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
discomfort and disadvantages.

One of the greatest advantages of maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
can be creating peace of mind for mothers. The last months of pregnancy and the
first
months after delivering/ giving birth are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
critical for both mothers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infants
.
However
, mothers need to have kind of absolute rest the last month of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
pregnancy and
they need to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
after giving birth. Newborn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infants
are dependent and need their mothers
intensely
. In fact, mothers breast-feed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
days and nights,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stay up at night to feed and take care of them.
Under these circumstances
, mothers always feel tired and not going to work can invigorate them
physically
and mentally.

Maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems. According to statistics over 70% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and organizations do not pay maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaves
. In the other words, mothers do not go to work and do not receive any salary. It exactly happens when a new member has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the expenses of life have
been increased
. Here, fathers are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ones who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
carry the burden of making a living and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the family tolerate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
financial problems.
In addition
, mothers spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time alone at home away from other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
; it can put mothers in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of depression.

In conclusion
, maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
is one of the services offered by organizations to give mothers this opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
calmly
about her newborn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion the demerits of this service are nothing
in comparison
with its pros.
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IELTS essay What are the advantages and disadvantages of maternity leave?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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