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What are the advantage of studying abroad?

What are the advantage of studying abroad? VrBJA
Discussing the plus of studying in other country. First of all, foregin institutions may offer better courses. Due to this, most of the Students can learn their field Subjects out of the home country. Besides this, qualifications qained abroad can open the door to better job opportunities. For instance, Canada is the 2nd largest country of the world, So they use giving opporunity to the Companies for work their, thus, it creates employment for the international Students who were studied there. Then student become more independent if they were far from home. It helps to enhance students communication skills as well as better understanding to a foreign language.
Discussing the plus of studying in other country.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
foregin
institutions may offer better courses. Due to this, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can learn their field Subjects out of the home country.
Besides
this, qualifications
Possible spelling mistake found.
qained
abroad can open the door to better job opportunities.
For instance
, Canada is the 2nd largest country of the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
giving
Possible spelling mistake found.
opporunity
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
for work their,
thus
, it creates employment for the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
who
were studied
there. Then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
become more independent if they were far from home. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as better understanding to a foreign language.

IELTS essay What are the advantage of studying abroad?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
108 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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