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What are advantages and disadvantages of telephone

What are advantages and disadvantages of telephone R0yQV
Today is the age of communication. As a result, nowadays people do their works by phone such as sharing their photos on social networks, taking online classes, paying bills, etc. This magical device has attracted many people's attention and we rarely see anyone uses telephone. Day by day the number of people who use telephone is increasing so some young people have become addicted to it. But what is the reason? In my opinion the main reason can be feeling alone. Therefore, some people specially young people and teenagers want to make their mind busy with different type of sites and social net works. This can be lead to being away from real world and it's problems. On the other hand, there are a lot of people who have online job and earn money by phone. In conclusion, telephone is a practical device and how to use it depends on your peaonality and mindset.
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Today
is the age of communication.
As a result
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do their works by phone such as sharing their photos on social networks, taking online classes, paying bills, etc. This magical device has attracted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
attention and
we rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
anyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
telephone. Day by day the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
telephone is increasing
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so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young
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people
have become addicted to it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
what is the reason? In my opinion the main reason can be feeling alone.
Therefore
,
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some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
specially
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their mind busy with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of sites and social net works. This can be lead to being away from real world and it's problems.
On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have online
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "jobbed".
job
and earn money by phone.
In conclusion
, telephone is a practical device and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it depends on your
Possible spelling mistake found.
peaonality
and mindset.
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IELTS essay What are advantages and disadvantages of telephone

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
154 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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