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What advantages do volunteering programs bring about?

What advantages do volunteering programs bring about? 0EkD5
There are many benefits that volunteering programs can bring to young people, especially university students. First, by participating in these programs, these students can socialize with their peers and gain more experiences to add to their CVs. In addition, these programs are often community-based. I mean their benefits will spread throughout the community. So, I believe volunteering is an area where we should pay more attention.
There are
many
benefits that volunteering programs can bring to young
people
,
especially
university students.
First
, by participating in these programs, these students can socialize with their peers and gain more experiences to
add
to their
CVs
.
In addition
, these programs are
often
community-based. I mean their benefits will spread throughout the community.
So
, I believe volunteering is an area where we should pay more attention.
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IELTS essay What advantages do volunteering programs bring about?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
66 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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