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Weekends in Malaysia should be extended from only two days to three days. Do you agree with the statement?

Weekends in Malaysia should be extended from only two days to three days. aE6g7
Weekends are something that everyone really looks forward. After having a hectic week, weekends will be the right time for a rest. What if Malaysia has three days of the weekend instead of two days only? Generally, I totally agree that weekends in Malaysia should be extended from only two days to three days because it will help to improve mental health among citizens and can spend more time with family. First of all, weekends are one of the ways to improve mental health, especially among the employees and students. After five days of working and studying, it must be exhausted for both of them and two days of weekends are not enough for having a rest. For example, in two days the students need to complete their homework meanwhile the adults need to do house chores and maybe some of them need to take care of their kids. These situations will make them feel overwhelmed and will lead to stress. Therefore, our country really needs to one more day to the weekend in order to reduce the stress among Malaysians and have better mental health. On the other hand, the longer weekends will help our citizens spend more time with their family members. Nowadays, families are busy with work and study. So, it must be challenging for them to find the right time to having fun together. Parents should spend much time with their kids. So, their kids will get enough love and have positive mental growth. In short, spending time together will strengthen family bonds. In conclusion, it can be seen we should extend weekends from only two days to three days because it will give a lot of benefits for everyone which are they can maintain good mental health and spend more time with family. Despite all the facts above, everyone should manage their time wisely so they can have a quality weekend. I hope that our leader will take the Netherlands as an example since they recorded the lowest working hours in Europe.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Weekends
are something that everyone
really
looks forward. After having a hectic week,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekends
will be the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for a rest. What if Malaysia has three days of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekend
instead
of two days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
?
Generally
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekends
in Malaysia should
be extended
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two days to three days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health among citizens and can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekends
are one of the ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health,
especially
among the employees and students. After five days of working and studying, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be exhausted
for both of them and two days of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekends
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for having a rest.
For example
, in two days the students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to complete their homework meanwhile the adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores and maybe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to take care of their kids. These situations will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel overwhelmed and will lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Therefore
, our country
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to one more day to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekend
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
among Malaysians and have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health.

On the other hand
, the longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekends
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
our citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are busy with work and study.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be challenging for them to find the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to having fun together. Parents should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their kids.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, their kids will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
growth. In short, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together will strengthen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonds.

In conclusion
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
we should extend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekends
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two days to three days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits for everyone which are they can maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Despite all the facts above, everyone should manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
wisely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can have a quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekend
. I hope that our leader will take the Netherlands as an example since they recorded the lowest working hours in Europe.
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IELTS essay Weekends in Malaysia should be extended from only two days to three days.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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