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Wealthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitarian relief during natural disasters. Do you agree or disagree?

Wealthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitarian relief during natural disasters. bGVP
The provision of assistance towards countries that have undergone natural disasters is one compassionate act to behold. It is agreed that wealthy nations should extend humanitarian aid to under developed countries during unexpected calamities. I entirely support this position because I believe that established nations are the only ones that can provide immediate aid, and that such an act demonstrates unity in helping affected countries recover. It is a common perception that wealthy countries can provide immediate assistance to regions that have been affected with unexpected natural disasters. This proves to be true for a couple of reasons. To begin with, wealthy nations have a surplus of natural resources and basic necessities that can be donated to those in need. Moreover, humanitarian assistance in the form of volunteers such as doctor, nurses or those within the medical field can be sent to assess the health and well-being of the affected inhabitants. An example would be one of the provinces of the Philippines that had a horrific experience with the typhoon Yolanda. The typhoon had caused damage both to life and property. Despite of the country’s effort of providing aid to their natives, their efforts fell short as the affected population outnumbered the relief offered. Hence, the United States o f America and Germany provided help in the form of food and first aid kits to address the basic needs of the people. Wealthy nations have a lot to offer in times like this and lending a hand enables under developed countries bounce back from the aftermath of the crisis. The act of providing relief to those nations in dire need highlights the significance and effect of unity. When advanced countries join hand in hand to provide support it will yield to a large number of people being helped in the shortest possible time. The issue of addressing basic needs like food and temporary shelter will then be resolved; thereby, enabling the affected country recover. The provision of tents by a couple of European countries to the victims of the great tidal wave in Japan, enabled the government of Japan to focus on the damaged properties that the calamity have caused them. Through the joint efforts of some European countries, Japan was able to deal with the situation in an organized manner. In conclusion, natural disasters are inevitable and the nations that would be affected the most are the under developed ones. Although one wealthy country can help much, I am convinced that the impact of the united support among industrialised nations can do greater; thereby, allowing the affected countries have their needs attended promptly.
The provision of assistance towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that have undergone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
disasters is one compassionate act to behold. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should extend humanitarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to under developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
during unexpected calamities. I
entirely
support this position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that established
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nations
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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ones
that can provide immediate
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aid
, and that such an act demonstrates unity in helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
recover.

It is a common perception that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can provide immediate assistance to regions that have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
with unexpected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
disasters. This proves to be true for a couple of reasons. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have a surplus of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources and
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
that can
be donated
to those in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
.
Moreover
, humanitarian assistance in the form of volunteers such as doctor, nurses or those within the medical field can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to assess the health and well-being of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
inhabitants. An example would be one of the provinces of the Philippines that had a horrific experience with the typhoon Yolanda. The typhoon had caused damage both to life and property.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
the
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country’s
effort of providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to their natives, their efforts fell short as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
population outnumbered the relief offered.
Hence
, the United States o

f America and Germany provided
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the form of food and
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
kits to address the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Wealthy
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nations
have a lot to offer in times like this and lending a hand enables under developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
bounce back from the aftermath of the crisis.

The act of providing relief to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in dire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
highlights the significance and effect of unity.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
advanced
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countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
hand in hand to provide support it will yield to
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in the shortest possible time. The issue of addressing basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
like food and temporary shelter will then
be resolved
; thereby, enabling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
recover. The provision of tents by a couple of European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to the victims of the great tidal wave in Japan, enabled the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Japan to focus on the damaged properties that the calamity have caused them. Through the joint efforts of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, Japan was able to deal with the situation
Consider replacing "in an organized manner" with the adverb for "organized"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an organized manner
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
disasters are inevitable and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
that would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
the most are the
Make sure that the adjective 'under' is correct. Possibly, it should be an adverb (typically ~ly) that modifies 'developed'. Possibly, it should be the first word in a compound adjective (hyphenated adjective). Possibly, it is correct.
under developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Although one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
much, I
am convinced
that the impact of the united support among
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialised' is British English.
industrialised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can do greater; thereby, allowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
attended
promptly
.
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IELTS essay Wealthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitarian relief during natural disasters.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
434 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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