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We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree ?

We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. OKG7
It is said that technology life is one which we are experiencing in recent days, however, complications in areas of handling and protecting information can downplay the obvious merits we benefit from the use of the internet. However, while I believe this form of technology is beneficial to the life of humans, I agree that there have been some demerits in the area of information control. With regard to the benefits of the internet, the impact that the internet has had on the life of individuals has evident advantages. Firstly, people who use the internet to gather information either for personal use or for work purpose sees this as a faster means to achieve tasks as compared to the old fashioned method of having to spend nimiety time on research and reading lots of books. Secondly, the internet aids in connectivity and communication. The existence of the internet has facilitated communication where work, students, families can benefit from, consequently, with the internet, connecting with family and friends via video calls, hosting or attending meetings and also, students receiving lectures online are some examples of areas where internet can be beneficial in the lives of many. On the other hand, there are some complications with respect to control and securing information which brings about questioning the benefits of the internet. Hackers and Phishers are the major category of people who breach security to obtain vital information with the use of the internet. This can be done in various approaches by sending fake emails or by the use of some hacking softwares, ergo gaining access and total control of information. Furthermore, files or data which are stored in the cloud can be exposed to virus attacks when using the internet, which as a result can alter or completely destroy the information in a data. To conclude, although the internet is bringing people closer to their goals and making Iives happier, there are some who use this technology in a negative way. People who store documents in the cloud should do more to try to upgrade the security and firewall level of their documents, which will bring about security to vital information.
It
is said
that technology life is one which we are experiencing in recent days,
however
, complications in areas of handling and protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can downplay the obvious merits we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet.
However
, while I believe this form of technology is beneficial to the life of humans, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits in the area of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
control.

With regard to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of the internet, the impact that the internet has had on the life of individuals has evident advantages.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet to gather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
either for personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
or for work purpose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
this as a faster means to achieve tasks as compared to the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
method of having to spend
Possible spelling mistake found.
nimiety
time on research and reading lots of books.
Secondly
, the internet aids in connectivity and communication. The existence of the internet has facilitated communication where work, students, families can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
from,
consequently
, with the internet, connecting with family and friends via video calls, hosting or attending meetings and
also
, students receiving lectures online are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples of areas where internet can be beneficial in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
complications with respect to control and securing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
which brings about questioning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of the internet. Hackers and Phishers are the major category of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
breach security to obtain vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet. This can
be done
in various approaches by sending fake emails or by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hacking
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
, ergo gaining access and total control of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
Furthermore
, files or data which
are stored
in the cloud can
be exposed
to virus attacks when using the internet, which
as a result
can alter or completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in a data.

To conclude
, although the internet is bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer to their goals and making
Possible spelling mistake found.
Iives
happier, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this technology in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
store documents in the cloud should do more to try to upgrade the security and firewall level of their documents, which will bring about security to vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.

IELTS essay We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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